It seems to me, that in Life, a person should be able to count on a few things to be true: your mother and the deliciousness of a chocolate croissant.

 

Other then that, all bets are off.

 

The problem is that we all get caught-up in the mind-numbing illogic of rumors, advertising, old wives tales, people we want to impress, love, hatred, apathy… google search results. You get my drift.

 

Well, this is never more evident then when we are young.

 

My youth was filled with bad information. Some of it I even believed. Some of it I defended. Some of it I got employment from. Some of it took me out on the town.

 

Here is a list of out-n-out LIES the 1970s told us all:

 

That your grandmother’s cooking was too rich for good health. LIE. Turns out that Grandma was using fresh and whole foods. Grandma didn’t use any ingredients she couldn’t pronounce. Grandma was pretty smart.

 

That the USA would commit for now and all time to developing space exploration. LIE. Someone forgot to tell JFK about the future expense of a Global Economy not to mention expanding social services, a weapons race, and the true desire of the population: an expansion of direct streaming cable networks ’cause that’s what’s really important.

 

Going braless was liberating and beautiful. LIE. More like a idea that could have only come from the mouths of youthful perky boobs without a thought for the results at midlife. Dear God Woodstock be damned.

 

Women could have it all. LIE. First of all, what did that mean?  Certainly no one in their right mind was suggesting that women should be superhuman and that if they didn’t bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan while nursing a child with one hand and giving a hand*** with the other she wasn’t living up to her full and Universal potential?  Nahhhh. No one did that.

 

Free Love was without consequences. LIE. Unless, of course, you value your health and actually toyed with the idea that you should at least know someones name before you received an STD.

 

All people are equal. LIE. They are not, but they should receive equal protection, equal initial advantage, equal Rights. What I want to yell at someone about is why I’m not aging like Heidi Klum? Who do I see about that?

 

Misunderstood, seemingly half-baked Medical advancements would lead to cloning. LIE. Remember that? When LIFE magazine did that article on Dolly the Sheep that said stem cell research would lead to a world full of human robots, because really, could any of us stand more Heidi Klum beauty in the world? (I’m on a Klum kick today).

 

Traveling was best when done on the cheap- more wholesome, more real. LIE. Book a room at a 5-star and call me.

 

Vitamin supplements could cure anything. LIE. And yet we still purchase them by the pound. We are a hopeful bunch.

 

Sun tanned skin was healthy and desirable. Even younger. LIE. Have you seen my skin?

 

Formal education was unnecessary. LIFE was the best teacher. LIE. This was espoused by young hippie parents who were on the dole from their hardworking parents. Come to think of it….

 

The Beatles would reunite. LIER. LIER. PANTS ON FIRE! But wouldn’t it have been loverly?

 

The LIES the 1970s Told UsPINIMAGE

The LIES the 1970s Told Us



  • Cary Vaughn - About #2, can you just imagine what we would be able to accomplish if money and economy weren’t a factor in progress? I may actually have had my own clone by now.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - We’s have colonized Mars by now and left the clones to deal with this mess on Earth.ReplyCancel

  • Shelley Zurek - This ^^^^. Probabaly my favorite article of yours. Nodded my head through the whole thing!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - HA! Thank you. You’re a sweetheart!! I guess every generation has their LIEs but the 70s were full-up with bs.ReplyCancel

  • Cindy Falteich - If hindsight is 20/20 does that make that era 20/70? PS. Heidi Klum has nothing over you. ;)ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I believe you’re right- 20/70! As far as The Klum goes- no ones asking me to design a lingerie line…. Thanks for stopping by Cindy. Much appreciated!ReplyCancel

  • Doreen McGettigan - It has been a throw back Thursday. I haven’t thought about it until now but wow you are so right, it was all lies:)ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Lies. LIes. LIES! Like every generation has. I wonder what LIES my kid’s will say about the 2000s? Oh boy…ReplyCancel

  • Lisa at Grandma's Briefs - Oh how I wish I would have done a post on the ’80s today. Between you and Carol and me, we’d have throwback thursday covered.

    Love your list. Tanning? GAH! I’ve always had a thing about that and the horrors we inflict on our poor skin. You can kind of tell the older women who grew up with the idea that tanning is okay and good for you. Poor things. :-(ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Yes we would have. There was A LOT of Throw Back posts and I didn’t even do this one on purpose! As for ‘tanning’ I’m so glad the current younger generation is off of this kick. My 26 yo daughter wouldn’t be caught dead in a tanning bed.ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - I’m sooo tired right now, but I can’t stop sitting here thinking about those lies! Lies and damn lies! We have coordinating posts, right?ReplyCancel

  • Amethyst Moon - This post has everything, politics, music, boobs…it’s a post about the 70’s alright! Great read!ReplyCancel

  • Tammy - It’s a damn good thing I didn’t listen to anyone in the 70’s. Oh, yeah, grandma had it right….fried chicken in a skillet with a dab of Crisco. I can smell it now!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Oh yea…… Fried eggs in butta and homemade bread slathered in warm jam. Oh boy….ReplyCancel

      • carollynn - Oh god, stop, you’re both making me hungry. fried chicken… drool…ReplyCancel

  • Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - So, so true! The ’70 were quite something, I do remember my mom saying bell bottom pants make your butt look smaller! Ha, I think she was lying.ReplyCancel

  • Janie Emaus - Love these insightful obbservations. No lie.ReplyCancel

  • Angela Hall Weight - This was really cute. Love the grandma’s cooking one.ReplyCancel

  • Estelle Sobel Erasmus - It’s funny. When I think of the 70s, despite all the wildness the young people seem to have been so innocent.ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - Oh, you are so right. And I can’t even always get a delicious chocolate croissant these days. But, yes, I can always count on my mom :)ReplyCancel

  • The GypsyNesters - Love it! Thanks for the trip down memory lane. Just struck me that even more shocking than the Beatles somehow miraculously reuniting might be the fact that The Rolling Stones are still together!ReplyCancel

  • Vashti Quiroz-Vega - Ha, ha! I was born in the 80s and we had our share of lies being fed to us too. The Indians were the bad guys,the government would never lie to us, money and success was the panacea, Pluto was a planet . . . And we’re still being lied to. The truth is––not all muslims are terrorists or all terrorists muslims, they were not looking for ‘weapons of mass destruction’ they went in looking for oil (not our soldiers but the government), women are still not considered equal in the work force, and prejudice is still alive and well. So sad. :(ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - A lot hasn’t changed has it? I think the LIES are worse now actually. What a world.ReplyCancel

  • Carollynn Hammersmith - I straddle both the 70’s and the 80’s… Oh the lies I was told and believed – in the 70’s I think were foolish but hopeful, uninformed liars, but in the 80’s out and out liars, no remorseReplyCancel

  • Rena McDaniel - Ha! I loved this piece Cheryl! I laughed all the way through it.ReplyCancel

  • Sue - Loved this trip back to the 70s as only you could tell it so well and with so much laughter.ReplyCancel

The first thing we all have to agree on is that if there ever is an event on an awesome catastrophic scale, those that survive will need to be heavily armed and know how to distill whiskey.

 

 Every time my husband discovers me setting up odd equipment involving rubber tubing & smoked Spanish paprika or doing something behind a closed door (‘Cheryl. What are you up too now? This better not cost me any money!”) I simply answer with “Someone’s gonna need to know how to do this in case the World comes to end! Well-oiled flints and a decent sourdough starter will be what keeps us alive!”, by which he replies, “Oh boy. How did the children survive?…” and continues watching ESPN.

So, because I’m nothing if not cynical cautious  a Girl Scout, I would like to share with you the skills I believe are always going to make the difference between life (albeit with 12 toes from radioactive fallout, but I’ve always felt an extra two would be superb for my Yoga practice ’cause I sure as hell can’t do it on ten) and being vaporized.

I will need to know how to:

  1. Pick locks. And by ‘locks’ I mean choosing the best clip-on hair extensions at Ms Boobalicious’s salon down the street. I can’t afford them at this time. I am counting on supply and demand to kick-in.

  2. Tan—- leather. I’ll still desire a new Spring handbag each season (What? Should I stop ‘living’?) and I’m assuming I’ll be fried enough from the fallout to make it through a nuclear winter so spending time in a tanning bed would be silly- and I hear they’re not good for you- so there’s that.

  3. Produce copious amounts of tomatoes and pot. Together. A hybrid. I will call them Really Better Big Boys or maybe Aunt Cheryl’s Caprese Grass Salad fixin’s? Yes- with a nice balsamic drizzle.

  4. Hot wire a car. This will be the perfect opportunity to economically expand my expensive automobile collection and drive as fast as I want. All ‘photo enforced’ speed traps will be snapping away at my middle finger.

  5. Syphon gas… and Vodka.

  6. Generate power. No- not the kind that runs your appliances. Amateurs

  7. Catch, reel-in, decapitate, gut, fillet and grill a Zombie fish. Or a Zombie.

  8. Diagnose and treat improperly accessorized mean girl’s evening ensembles medical issues.

  9. Develop black market items into the NEW economy. This will require anyone left in Washington DC to be summarily exiled and replaced by people that actually understand what’s going on. I’ve always liked a white house.

  10. And finally… Grow grapes. Not really ‘grow’ as much as cultivate and harvest. Well, really, not ‘harvest, so much as ferment. Oh hell, who am I kidding?

 

 

I’ll need to know how to make wine.

 

Bottoms UP!PINIMAGE

Bottoms UP!

 

What would YOU need to learn?



  • Diane - When the time comes, I’m living next to you. Provided you don’t mistake me for a Zombie. (It has happened . . .)ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - You are so funny! We’d make great neighbors!!!ReplyCancel

  • Cary Vaughn - First of all, I laughed my ass off at #6.
    Second, I think I’m in serious trouble if I, too, want to maintain my lifestyle after the apocalypse. I better get to work!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Ha! Lets’ make a pact to meet half way up the Big Muddy and pool our resources!ReplyCancel

  • Abby - Absoluetly loved it! It seems there are more midlife crisis nuts than just me:))) And isn’t it funny that we got the same idea: airpocalypse/apocalypse at the same time?! I will definitely check your stuff from time to time:)
    AbbyReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Well HELLO there! Wonderful!!!! Me too` Luv your shizzz….ReplyCancel

  • Laraine Orfanedes Durham - Wine, for sure!ReplyCancel

  • Sue Pekarek - Daughter says I need to watch Survivor Man so I have mad skills when the world comes to an end, so knowing what nuclear bugs to eat and not eat seems important. Tom Hanks inability to start a fire in Castaway makes me want to take how to start a fire from scratch lessons, and in the after world I’ll promote my big yard to rent out space for people to grow their own food including grapes of course.ReplyCancel

  • Kathy Radigan - Very cute! And I got agree with you, I better start going to lock picking school now!ReplyCancel

  • Kathleen O'Donnell - I’d need to learn to…be in your group Cheryl Nicholl!ReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Grandmas Briefs - Ewww… dont grill the zombies! They’re tainted! ( Don’t you watch The Walking Dead!?) I’ll join ya for the hybrid tomato pot though. Or the wine! Cheers!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Hahahaaaaa….. I’m thinking that Zombie meat might be the new Kale. You can talk people into anything if you just say it’s ‘good for you’.ReplyCancel

  • William Kendall - Well, I wouldn’t have much need of fermenting grapes….ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - But you will need petrol to tool around taking all of your fabulous photographs, so I just thought of another thing: syphoning gas. I’ll ride shot-gun and drink the wine. We’d have a good time!ReplyCancel

  • Lance - 4 & 7 I have down…we need some community college classes for the other ones.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Excellent! I’m actually learning about the fish gutting from a friend of mine. He said “Cheryl, why do you want to learn to do this? You live right by Big Fisherman” (a local fishmonger) and I told him “so that I know how to gut Ben.”- THEN he understood.ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - I’m comin’ over to your pad when it hits. Just sayin’. I want to go laughing!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Me too Carol. I’ll have a room ready for you! HAHAHAReplyCancel

  • Cathy Chester - I would love to climb inside of your brain someday to find out exactly how you think. Such a creative mind! I wonder if you dream in color, too! :-) As for the whiskey? Not my drink of choice, so I’ll have to find a runner up. Any suggestions, Cheryl?ReplyCancel

  • Ruth Curran - I read this twice. Once using just the crossed out words and once using both! In case you were wondering, the emphasis on skinning zombies, distilling spirits, and fermenting grapes remains strong in both versions :)!ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - Funny, you left out making beer. Of course, you would need to grow barley and hops for that and the ground might to too radioactive. Picking real locks is good or smashing windows. Who am I kidding? At my age the young ones would grab anything I had unless I somehow acquire sufficient fire power. Something I don’t see happening.ReplyCancel

  • Sharon Hodor Greenthal - How to grow and cultivate coffee and milk a cow, because without my coffee with half and half every day I’m vicious.ReplyCancel

  • Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - Thank you for making me smile! It has been a crazy long day and it was nice just to read your post and giggle a little bit!ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - Wow, I have a lot to learn! I’m sticking with you if the apocalypse is on the way!ReplyCancel

  • Tammy - My gramps would always tell me that the best weapon to have was a shotgun. Because everyone in the world recognizes the sound of the rifle being readied and they run for the hills. So, yes…a shotgun. So we can consume mass libation and truffles in peace and quiet. Awesome fun!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - chink- chink I love that sound! We’ll be ready!ReplyCancel

  • Penelope Shelfer - I have the arsenal, and a few other goodies on hand. You and I must join forces and create a procedure for survival.ReplyCancel

  • Suheiry Feliciano - My husband and I talk about what we’d do in case of the apocalypse. It’s quite fun. You made us both laugh with your post. :)ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - So nice! Another subject Ben and I like to discuss is what we’d do if we hit the Lotto! Now THAT’S fun! Thanks for stopping by!ReplyCancel

  • Mark R Hunter - Honestly? I’d just die.ReplyCancel

 

Today, Ladies and Gentlemen, I have the honor of spouting my shizz on a Holy new blog Extreme Christian.

 

Cover your head. Dip your fingers in the Holy Water. Make the Signs of the Cross and take a pew.

 

We’ll drink some Communion Wine

 

Pay AttentionPINIMAGE

Pay Attention

 

 



  • Carolann Iadarola - Oh wow cool heading over now! Love that photo!ReplyCancel

  • Sue Pekarek - Loved this to pieces. You made me think about my catholic school days.ReplyCancel

  • Gary Sidley - If the world is about to end, I couldn’t think of anything nicer than nibbling away at your stoned tomatoes!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I’ll can some and send them Fed Ex.ReplyCancel

 

It seems to be a week of GARDENING posts (I’m in the ZONE).

 

Today, I’d like to share with you a few little SECRETS- on Gardening (Stop salivating. I’m not giving up anything that I’d have to kill you for).

 

  1. If you don’t have a large space to plant a vegetable that needs to be cross-pollinated (like corn) plant your seeds CLOSER but don’t expect as large fruit (I’m doing everything possible to NOT make a joke here). I was always under the impression that corn needed a large field. When I was a kid the best corn came from the center of the field. That’s why my mother always sent me deep into the field……(?). Anywho, last year I planted corn in a 2×4 foot space- one seedling every 6 inches, and ya know what? I got CORN! Two ears per stalk instead of three and they were smaller but delicious! I think the Corn Cartel just keeps telling us this so that we all don’t grow our own.

  2. Fruits are Perennials. They need a place to call home for a l-o-n-g time. Plant them where you won’t have to move them. Pick them to increase yield, and trim the deadwood. This is a good rule in LIFE, as well.

  3. Most vegetables are Annuals- this means they have only one life, but if you grow heirloom plants you can collect the seeds and plant the next season. If you plant ‘Hybrid’ chances are the ‘trade-off’ for, let’s say ‘increased disease resistance’ is sterility. Exceptions to the Annual rule are Asparagus and Rhubarb- they will come back every year, though Asparagus needs a few years to develop to maturity- like your teenager, who thinks he knows every damn thing and you’re the idiot. Oh boy…

  4. Both fruits and vegetables are heavy feeders, but they need different combinations of food, which leads me to explaining….

  5. Fertilizer. They are coded with  something that looks like this “N-P-K” or “12-12-12″ or whatever ratio is inside. The ‘N’ abbreviation is for the element NITROGEN. Nitrogen assists with over-all active growth. It’s what will make your plants green. It comes from Blood Meal (dried blood). Most soils are lacking in it. So is your badboy boyfriend.

  6. Next is the “P”. It stands for the element PHOSPHORUS. It’s basically Bone Meal (ground bones). Phosphorous assists in root growth. Excellent sprinkled in the hole your planting in. Also excellent in the Fall when you want your plant’s roots to continue to grow over the winter. (Yes, all sorts of things occur under the freeze line, am I right ladies?).

  7. And, finally, the “K”, which stands for the element POTASSIUM. Potassium feeds the fruit and increases water efficiency. It can be found in potash, or hard wood ashes, kelp, or your expensive face cream. I kid you not.

  8. So… depending on the time of year, you want to change-up the N-P-K. What do you want your plant to do? Where is your plant in it’s growing cycle? What season is it? All questions I ask myself every time I look at my husband.

  9. When you want to bring your flowers into the house, cut them as early in the day as possible (they are less stressed when cool with more moisture in the stems). When you get inside, re-cut the stems (on an angle to increase the surface area that water will travel through) and plunge them into cool fresh water. To preserve your flowers add a capful of good old fashioned Listerine (original flavor) to the water. Listerine provides everything a flower needs: a biocide (disinfectant to prevent bacteria), an acidifer (that lowers the pH of tap water improves the water flow), and food (sucrose). Your welcome.

  10. And finally, my little SECRET on how to keep tulips from slumping over: cut a small slit near the base of the flower bulb. Tulips ‘slump’ because they get top heavy with water. This little trick provides a place for the water to escape.

 

If only Living were so easy. 

 

trimmedtulipsPINIMAGE

Trim with a sharp knife, not scissors (they crush the stem). Discard any side growth that will be under the water line. Here, I’ve stripped the tulips of leaves, and dignity. Gardening isn’t benevolent.

 

piercedtulipsPINIMAGE

Can you see the small slit I’ve made? I practice on my husband’s sanity.

tulipsPINIMAGE

These tulips are five days old already. No slumping AND a s-l-o-w opening of the flower. Nice.



  • Linda Roy (elleroy was here) - Tulips! They’re beautiful and YAY, Spring is about to….spring! God, it’s been a long winter. I can’t wait to get outside, clean up the yard and get things growing.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I know the feeling. Even down here it’s been a l-o-n-g winter. In the meantime, I hit-up Whole Foods for flowers. EeGads. I’m one of ‘those’.ReplyCancel

  • Diane - Deinitely saving this article! Thank you!!!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Just don’t forget the Listerine! HahaaaaReplyCancel

  • Mary - This post is a keeper! Pinned!ReplyCancel

  • Lisa at Grandma's Briefs - A former neighbor of mine was a huge proponent of bone meal. She used to give me a tiny baggie of it each time she gave me a cutting. That memory makes me smile (I moved away from her), so thank you for that! :-DReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - It’s great stuff- ground bones! Boo! (no seriously- good stuff).ReplyCancel

  • Angela Douglas Mager - Very helpful tips…and funny! :) I wish we could grow Tulips down here in Texas. Those are gorgeous!!ReplyCancel

  • Ruth Curran - I had no idea that the time of day you cut a flower would make a difference and… Listerine in the water? Brilliant! I am going to try this tomorrow morning!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Oh yes. Timing is everything- even in the garden! Tell me what the results are w the Listerine. I’d love to know your opinion!ReplyCancel

  • Roshni - This is news to me that asparagus is like teenagers …slow to mature and heavy feeders!! Lol!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Yes, they take several years to grow big enough to cut. HahahaaaReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - I still think it would be way easier for you to just do it for me. Maybe not as funny. Well, maybe way funnier in person!ReplyCancel

  • Teresa Lee - We thank you Lovely Lady for you!ReplyCancel

  • Karen @Baking In A Tornado - I need to print this out, this is everything I need to know all in one place.ReplyCancel

 

gongongong

 

Who goes there?

 

 

It is the town’s People. We seek an audience with Her Majesty.

 

Is Her Majesty expecting you?

 

No. But we come bearing gifts.

 

She likes gifts. Okay. Wait here.

 

Her Majesty? The ‘People’ are requesting an audience. They would like ‘Total Access’. Should I let them in?

 

Hummmmmm. I love my ‘people’ just about as much as I love gifts. But they bring the gifts and I want the gifts…

 

“Alright. I grant them not only ‘Total Access’ but backstage passes. They may leave the tokens of their affection at…..”

 

For a peek inside the Castle, hitch up your stallions to your coach and visit Housekaboodle.

She talked me into a party at THE Castle.

It’s a Royal good time

(and a peek inside my house).

Welcome. PINIMAGE

Welcome.



  • sherry - I like gifts also. Very interesting the door invites one in. Thank you!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - You are so welcome Sherry. We have Royal good parties here. HA!ReplyCancel

  • Eve Gaal - Oh, the Queen’s royal palace!! I would love to enter….ReplyCancel

  • Housekaboodle - I come bearing gifts and fell in love with your house – thank you Cheryl for the beautiful home tour.ReplyCancel

  • Rosalind Warren - What could possibly be more fun than snooping around in other folks’ houses? Being INVITED to snoop around in other folks houses! :)ReplyCancel

  • Cathy Chester - Your ears must have been burning because we were talking about your house – I think it was Connie – and how awesome it is. Now I know! Thanks for the sneak peek!ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - I wouldn’t feel at home there.ReplyCancel

  • Penelope Shelfer - Just Beyond Beautiful! Neutral interiors are my very favorite because it’s so simple to revamp with pillows, rugs or window treatments. Very well done, Cheryl!!ReplyCancel

  • Estelle Sobel Erasmus - I love this. Thank you for the invite to your splendid castle!ReplyCancel

  • Linda Roy (elleroy was here) - The HGTV/home magazine junkie in me is rejoicing! Beautiful, House Beautiful worthiness here, my friend.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Did you know that HGTV actually come her and FILMED? And then the new show they were putting together got shelved! AAagh!!!!ReplyCancel

  • Gary Sidley - I’ll forward this post to Queen Elizabeth II. Buckingham Palace is looking a bit drab lately, so I’m sure she’d appreciate some fresh ideas for her interior.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - She should call me. I have a secure line.ReplyCancel

  • Roshni - Ooh!!! Please tell me what I need to bring to view the rest of this loveliness? !!!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Just your lovely self! Doors always open to you Roshni!ReplyCancel

  • Vashti Quiroz-Vega - The suspense is killing me. On my way! ;)ReplyCancel

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