Big Box Blues

     I was having a fairly typical day- cat threw-up, contractor tearing up my living room, clearing out closet space for a six week stay by our daughter (another story for another day), son calls from New York to lament he’s not feeling well (what am I supposed to do exactly?), I need to sort out a notice from an insurance company stating that the premium had not been paid (it had), looked at the cookbook I’m writing- again,  and then…. the printer was out of ink. Really? Now?
     Off to Walmart to purchase cartridges.
     My day just got bad.
     I’m in the electrical department attempting to get someone with a blue apron to at least look at me. No dice.
     I follow an ‘associate’ to the very aisle where the ink is displayed (under lock and key) so I need a key. She has them in her hand, but she is with another customer that needs information on every electronic device they sell, and not making eye contact. And then they start trading ‘man’ stories. Seriously? Hello- I am standing right here. 
     I find a second person with sharp, metallic items hanging from his waist.
     “Can you open the locks on ink cartridges for me?”
     No he can’t. He doesn’t have that key. Of course.
     Back to the girl’s gabbing about men that ‘done them wrong’. 
     Finally, f-i-n-a-l-l-y, I get her to unlock the precious ink, though I must not touch it, until purchased. OK???  
     So she lumbers to the counter and carefully puts it out of reach (by the unused cash register- there are four, but only one person working checkout), and as I turn the corner to approach the counter a young mother with a FULL cart of groceries (in the ELECTRICAL department? But this is a Super Walmart, after all)  z-o-o-m-s up. 
     This totally obnoxious alpha female places her items, one at a time, on the counter, trying to teach her daughter the value of ‘Super’ shopping. I have now been on this hellish mission for a tad over an hour. But wait! One item doesn’t scan properly! 
     “Assistance needed in electrical”. 
     Holy Shit! I’m in the Big Box Twilight Zone.

     I had planned on chilled juice cocktails with a shrimp salad for dinner.
     Instead, I poured a chilled chardonnay and gorged on fresh tomato bruschetta. 

     I eventually re-loaded the printer 
      but not before I finished the bottle.




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