I’ve only been at this Bloggy thing for a little over a year.
It’s been mostly fun and rewarding: I actually have a few readers, and some of them take the time to comment.
I’ve run into a few blogs that I really like. They have good ideas, or skills, or an interesting ‘voice’.
They publish beautiful photography, or make me laugh.
They offer interesting recipes, or gardening advise.
But the vast majority make me wince a bit.
They are mostly self-grandiose BALONEY.
That’s right- I’m calling it.
A really bad, smelly sandwich.
I mean, it seems like the i-cloud is full-up with crap.
Here are some examples:
The I’m So Good You Don’t Exist Blogger
The most popular bloggers (read: have an entry on Wikipedia) NEVER reply to comments. In fact, they just sort of ‘recycle’ old posts. Probably because they are very busy on their book tours (which is great- more power to them. I actually own a few of those books), but rude, no matter who you are. And people keep coming back to comment-again & again (are they hoping for a reply?). And I love that every so often, they will post a note to readers saying,”I love you and I couldn’t have done this without you” but “I just can’t keep up with all my awesomeness.”
Yea- that’s ‘awesome’.
The I’m Just Blogging To Make Money- Badly Bloggers
They will have sites that are so monetized that you’d think you’re on the Target website in China.
I can not find my way around! The Ads are EVERYWHERE. It’s like a forest of hyperlinks. Some even have a Paypal tab if you’d like to contribute to their pocketbook, or a ‘Give-a-Gift’ list ’cause they are really hankering for that new skillet advertised at Bed Bath & Beyond.
And they want you to buy it for them.
The I’m A Blogger Who Actually Does Not Write- Much Blogger
These are the people who post about every season change, but did everything they knew how to do to get you to follow them in the first place.
I’ve actually emailed some of these people to ask if everything was OK with the same response, “Oh Yea. I’ve just been busy. But don’t you dare unfollow, ‘ya here!”
The I Have So Much To Say About Nothing Blogger
This rare breed, is, unfortunately, not rare at all.
For the love of God, do you really think someone is going to take 20 minutes out of their day just to read about your experience at walking across a room? And it’s NOT funny- unless you fall down and land in a puddle of dog poo.
The I Make Lists Blogger
They are often funny.
They are easy to read.
They are even easier to comment on (just pick a number).
They are perfect for the current 10 second United States attention span.
But they must be hard to write: The lists always have ’10’ and that’s a lot of work at funny- except it’s not- always funny, or interesting or pertinent, because the list is constraining isn’t it? And, there’s only one blogger that does this well, and she should be the only allowed to do this. You know who you are.
The I Am A Real Friend Blogger
Unless we have broken bread together, we are all virtual friends- pen pals at best. I just read a post where the author referred to her life as ‘on-line’ like that was a good thing.
The I’m Having A Breakdown Blogger
If you’re having a breakdown, of any kind, for the love of God, take a break and get your shit together.
But, don’t tell me you’re ready to jump off the edge and ask me (and others) to guest post so that you can come back in three weeks, with no sign, or mention, of trauma, but you do have a new site, book deal, and guest shot on a cable show.
Fool me once…
And, lastly, the famous, and ever resilient
Bait And Switch Blogger
They are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!
One week they are all, “I know I’m not good enough”, “My readership has gone down”, “Please share me”, “I just feel like a failure”, “I have principals and am not going to ask for votes- I’m DONE with that.”
And, the next, they’re begging, flooding your in-box with crap, and hocking their site like a Persian rug salesman at a flea market bazaar.
So, let’s recap. We have the narcissist, the overexposed capitalist, the absent blogger, the I like to hear myself talk you into a coma cocktail guest, the OCD sufferer, the backstabbing mean girl, the office co-worker that is always in the throes of an illness, and the hypocrite.
Funny thing is, I’m not any of those things, and yet, I’ve probably done them all.
Well, not the paypal thing…