If God Were A Woman

     I recently read a great post by my good friend Donna at DameNation and she got me thinking (ALWAYS dangerous) about God.
     Not the meaning of, or the purpose of, or the existence of, just the plain old fashioned reasoning that if God exists, God must be a guy because no female Omnipotent entity would run the universe like it’s currently being run. 
    Because if God were a Woman (and not in order of aggression) 
     1) would accept that all the trains do not run on time (and factor that reality into travel plans bringing additional reading material and your laptop charger). Also, a GPS is not a ‘cheat’.
     2) would have men easily say ‘no’ instead of grunting, or offering a sideways glance and an ‘aah haa’ in the hope that you will just go away. I’ll deal with it already. Just don’t keep me dangling.
     3) would have most laws abolished. So many are frivolous and meaningless- not the ‘spitting on the street’ or ‘right to choose’ laws, more like the right to sue the farmer next door with theft who’s heirloom corn has been cross contaminated with your patented sterile pollen. You’re an idiot. He should be suing you, you BigAgra Asshole.
     4) would remove all children from war zones and then let the men have-at-it.
     5) would have never allowed fluorescent lights to be invented. Never.
     6) would have allowed for the difference in the size between the birthing canal and the size of my children’s heads.
     and, finally,
     7) would have made menopause a time of cool nights, deep sleep, luscious hair (in the right places) and lube- serious lube.
     God is Great…

but, should call me.
It’s about time.



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