Cat Burglar CAUGHT!

Notorious Cat Burglar Caught!
On the ‘raised fur’ of another devastating weekend of thefts, the individual that has been responsible for the long list of feline disappearances in our area has been apprehended this morning as she attempted to climb a tree and got trapped by two of our finest Blood Hounds.
Cheryl ‘The Cat’ (aka:‘The Pussy’, ‘The Sphinx’, ‘The Cougar’) was caught red- pawed with two of her latest furry finds in tow.
Her last known whereabouts (and photograph) had been at the rooftop party for the opening of a new exhibit at the Audubon Zoo late last month.

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Cheryl “The Cat” (right)
as photographed
purring jovially into camera.
Unknown associate (left).

The attempted catnapping was called in by a Border Collie across the street, who heard a loud commotion, that he stated, “sounded like a wicked cat fight”.
Officers immediately rushed to the scene and with the help of our fine city’s newly formed Swat Team spent approximately an hour talking her down by offering kibble and whole milk. She apparently kept nodding off and seemed unconcerned throughout the ordeal.
Both Peggy and William Nicholl were safely returned unharmed, to their French-cut lace pillows inside the residence, however, other missing strays were not on her person.

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William (inside)
with companion Peggy,
who appears to be dazed.

‘The Cat’ was later questioned at Police headquarters, were it was learned that her residence, at 24-7 Allergy Lane, was a holding stop, or Cattery, for many other missing felines, though only one additional male was found belonging to local residence Franklin ‘Fur’ Ball. 
The missing youth was found unharmed, but seemingly awaiting transport to an undisclosed location.

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Ready for transport.

Ned, as Mr. Ball refers to him, had gone missing after a night of frivolity, that eventually led to the discovery of the illicit drug ‘Nip’ (Nepeta cataria), (which has recently been cited as the ‘party drug of choice’ among young Toms: USA Today, 4, May, 2013), and of which, Mr. Franklin had been allegedly distributing to young ‘domestic short-hairs’ through a Persian cartel.
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Missing persons poster
that was widely distributed.

Mr. Franklin is currently being held on bond for unrelated offensives but was available for identification purposes in this case.
When asked what her motivation had been behind the liter of missing cats, Cheryl simply responded that she had had a lifetime fascination with “Kitties” and as she, “could not afford a pregnancy every 9 weeks with the resulting high number of offspring”, she had found herself increasingly drawn to adopting “strays.”
Further background checks resulted in additional information about “The Pussy”, which included the discovery of two naturally born children and a thirty-one year long marriage to a man in the Marine Industry.
When questioned about these relationships, Cheryl explained that her husband had great access to water, and “wasn’t afraid to use it”, thus she had to keep her passion a secret, visiting her “fuzzy children” on a daily basis- sometimes sneaking them into her marital home, and bed, convincing her husband that any “soft strokes” he might feel were just the result of a new hair product she had been using.
Her children could not be contacted for verification, but a strange collection of shrunken heads were found on a bedside table.

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The Police are asking for the communities help
in identifying these images- or
whatever they are.




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