I Kmart You.

Once Upon A Time…

in a Land not so Far Away, there lived a beautiful young Queen with three small children in her SUV carriage: the two flowers she had pushed threw a garden hose and her lovely niece. It was a beautiful day.

She was charged with the happiness and well-being of these three sweet souls. They were her life. She was their guardian. 

Alas, there were many days when she could not escape the confines of the four walls of her over-mortaged castle and the continual snow storms that plagued her lack of opportunity to strut her new ermine robes among the common folk. The carriage had but wooden wheels and the road was rutted.

She found herself feeling as if under a dark spell whence she often times dreamed of drugging the King, letting the hounds loose, and locking the children in the dungeon.

She sought out her Merlin and asked for advise.

He advised Retail Therapy- the sweet smell of melting coded plastic- the burning of the VISA- a White Witch ritual she had mastered through long hours of apprenticeship. 

She accepted his challenge and decided to venture into the forest, along well traveled paths (She promised the kids a treat and loaded up the van).

Her Majesty was going to let-er-rip at Kmart (pre-Target age).

Hallelujah the world was still there and it wanted her- her beauty, charm, and rubbles. 

But finding a parking space for the carriage was a challenge (Like- impossible).

Round and round she went, peaking through the lanes, taking corners on two wheels, attempting to out wit the mathematics that dictated the odds of finding a space near the front.

Her patience was wearing thin. The horses were getting restless (Kids).

VIOLA! THERE! Blinker on (yes, her carriage had a blinker)… and swoop.

What The Fantasia?

“Hey! YOU! Yes, YOU!”, she said with a shake of her gloved fist through the curtained opening, child sliding downdowndown in anticipation of the oncoming onslaught.

“You can’t park there! I’ve been circling! I had my BLINKER on for Christ’s sake! Back out Baby. BACK OUT OF THE SPACE!”

As you may have already anticipated, he did not ‘back-out’, in fact, he locked his carriage doors, waited for her to move on and then, and only then, high-tailed it, on foot, through the maze of harnessed transportation.

But, she saw him. She saw him close-up.

And so she whipped her horse power into a frenzy and drove to the automatic gates, and with the roar of a Lion Queen shouted, “I BETTER NOT FIND YOU IN KMART!” 

Which, of course, her children were preoccupied with the entire time, allowing her the freedom to select fresh sheets for the Royale bed, discounted detergent for the castle laundress, and new running shoes for her delicate feet, because if anyone knows how to run (or run things)…

it’s a Queen. 





  • Sue - This is the most wonderful story in the land. I love to circle the parking lot for my chance at a close spot for the thrill of the win. Gorgeous photo of you CherylReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - I do that too! Like say to myself “If I can just get thru that light before it turns red, then my day will be great” or “if no bills show up in the mail today I’ll loose 5 pounds”. WTF? Thanks for the compliment Sue. If you’ll notice- the focus was blurry. Thank God.ReplyCancel

  • Kim M - Ahh…I remember those pre-Target days, when getting out of the house and away from kiddie tv to buy toilet paper in bulk was freedom! 🙂ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - Right! When going to the grocery store was a BIG day. I think I even dressed for the produce boy. Jeez!!!!ReplyCancel

  • Considerer - LOL! I do like how you did this 😀 The style, I mean. I really don’t understand the content, being a non-American 😉ReplyCancel

  • bookworm - Alas, the magical kingdom of K Mart is disappearing, due to mismanagement by the evil sorcerer Seers. Seers cast an enchantment and K Mart may soon be no more unless….hark, is there a white knight on the way? THE END.ReplyCancel

  • Emily - Hilarious!ReplyCancel

  • William Kendall - Nice twist on Once Upon A Time!ReplyCancel

  • Theresa Ledford - Oh. My. God. This is the best thing I think I’ve read all year. The picture in my head! You are now my hero! “I BETTER NOT FIND YOU IN KMART” was priceless. The best tie in to this story is that the grandmother that I was absolutely devoted to worked her whole life at K-Mart and retired from there. I have her old jumper and set of keys. I spent a lot of time in K-mart as a kid and before they all went away. This post made my whole night happy (and I am not at the time of month where I am predisposed to be happy about anything)! Now that I have over-shared, have a stellar night and find that guy and run him down!ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - Aren’t you wonderful! You have a jumper! And keys!!! Let’s go find one- a Kmart that is. Maybe the guy too. (heheeeeee)ReplyCancel

  • Mike Regione - oh kmart, where did you go?ReplyCancel

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