How many of us can say that we have done something we didn’t want to do?
Everyone? I think yes.
Most people would say something like, ‘I painted that damn room because I couldn’t wait any longer’, or ‘ I had to adopt that dog because he had no where to go’. Maybe even, ‘Here I go again. On another six hour flight to clean up a family mess’.
But have you ever known of anyone that would say, ‘I didn’t know if I wanted children’?
Well, now you do.
Before you go all crazy on me, let me explain:
I am the oldest of only two. I did not have a lot of experience with ‘babies’. My younger sister was the apple of my eye but she was also a huge pain in my ass- always tagging along, snooping in my things, throwing tantrums.
Get over it already!
The neighborhood we grew up in had mostly kids our own age. Translation: not many babysitting opportunities, and most little kids drove me crazy anyways.
I worked hard to get through college and had a career in mind, getting married and having a family seemed like something that would get in the way of that.
Then I met my husband.
He came from a family of five.
I explained that I would marry him but that I didn’t know if I wanted any kids. Could he live with that?
He said he could.
I believed him (sneaky bastard).
Five years later, we owned our first home, had two cars, travelled, had money in the bank, a garden, pretty dishes, a big TV- and I was b-o-r-e-d.
I told my mother.
She listened quietly, never judging, always calm, an occasional head nod, and then said with the certainty she is famous for (the kind that could resolve the Middle East conflict if they’d only call her),
“It’s time to have children.”
“Why of course.”
Do you think so?
“I know so.”
Like in the future, or now?
“Ben. Mom says we should have a kid. Whatdaya think?”
“If you want to.” (I told you- sneaky bastard)
“I guess I do. I mean I don’t really know but it sounds about right. There’s nothing else to do. I guess it’s time. But ya know I don’t know if I’ll be good at it. Do you think I’ll be good at it?”
“You’re good at everything.”
And just like that we had one- ten months later, and it was a boy, and he gave my life purpose, and screw a career, this is much more fun, he’s a blast, look at that smile, let’s build something, that lightbulb’s hot but you’re gonna have to touch it to learn, aren’t mussels yummy, I think playing Army with the cat as the tank is brilliant, I’ll make it all better- for now, put down your father’s power tools, can you get me your father’s power tool, scary movies are scary, want to watch it again, sports aren’t for everyone, you can do what with your bike, here are the keys, be back by eleven, you were but you went out again, you can go to any college you can get into, you got into where, when will I see you again, I miss you too…
|And I did it again two years later.
Love you Chase & Bryn-
from Here to the Moon and Back.