20 Things I Could Not Care Less About- And You Shouldn’t Either

This is my list of 

20 ‘Things’ I could not care less about 
if you held a gun to my head- and you shouldn’t either

(which I am submitting in an attempt to increase my Google ranking- because that’s what’s really important- am I right?)

And not in order of importance…

20. Increasing my Google ranking.



19. The Kardashian’s- in any form- television, perfume, swimwear, divorces, fake marriages, ecetera.



18. Miley Cyrus and her inevitable conclusion- unless, she goes by the way of Angelina Jolie and transforms from blood-wearing lesbian to Mother Theresa. It could happen



17. Hollywood celebrity political endorsements- they are ACTORS people.



16. Starving myself to still fit into my wedding dress. I’m lucky this way- it was stolen from the dry cleaners 30 years ago. SCORE! ‘Yes, I was always this size’.



15. Being nice. Really. Being nice is over-rated. Being kind is much more lasting. In fact, people that smile all of the time make me suspicious and itchy to hit them up-side the 
head.



14. Spanx. They are hot. I can’t breath. I do not need a whole new definition of odd lines in unnatural places making me look like a Ms. Potato Head because my excess is now down at my ankles or up in my throat. Seriously- we could put a man on the moon…



13. Parking in one of the million (Yes, a million. I have counted) handicap parking spaces up front. And don’t give me the ‘well, sometimes you can’t see the handicap’. If I can’t see it, and that young mother is struggling with kids while 9 months preggers and she’s not allowed to park there- then this law sucks and I’m breaking it. In fact, I’ll help you with the kid’s.



12. What’s happening on the other side of the world. How I long for the days before the 24-hour news cycle was created, when I didn’t even know what was happening in the next town over. Bliss.



11. Sex-fueled Vampire entertainment. Since when is submitting to awesome mind-bending sex with immortal afterglow appealing. Oh, wait…



10. Fifty Shades Of Grey- book, movie, Broadway show, greeting cards, album, clothing line, Barbie house, halloween costumes… (do you see where I’m going here?)


  9. What color your going to paint your powder room or how many times your kid missed the pot. No one cares. NO. ONE. CARES.



  8. How awesome your kid’s are. Mine have more awesomeness. There mine, after all. 


  7. Eating Organic. I believe there is scientific research that proves genetically altered and preserved foods are actually increasing our life spans. We may grow three eyes along the way, but who among us couldn’t use an additional eye? 



 6. Professional sports- of any kind. Anything that involves millionaire prima donnas on performance enhancing drugs with an average of 4.2 children born to Baby Mommas and bogus charities- kinda loses it’s luster for me.


 5. People who promote steps by which to have great sex after 50. You are not shattering the world, and breaking new ground, with your omnipotence- you are stating the obvious- like turn the light off. Get over yourselves. And for the LOVE OF GOD quite attaching professional photo-shopped photography to your every waking moment. It’s just embarrassing.



 4. Getting older. The sticky little detail in this equation is that everyone will get older (YIPPIE!)- you just have to be around long enough to enjoy the fact that you aged more gracefully. This is guaranteed.



 3. Walmart. Saving a few extra nickels in exchange for the guaranteed cluster fuck of the shopping experience at America’s number one retail shit show is simply not worth it. (But it does provide some good material I have to admit).



 2. If you have fulfilled your destiny. Seriously? Talk about pressure. I consider it a ‘WIN’ if I shave my legs, or come home with everything that was on my grocery list. 



AND THE NUMBER ONE THING I COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT IF YOU HELD A GUN TO MY HEAD, IS…

 1. Having It All.  Hell, who in their right mind ‘Wants It All’? I’m happy with my little neck of the woods, flaws and fabulousness, what I can do, not sweating what I can’t, just showing-up with sturdy foundation garments on and a life time of knowing how to fight 
battles I can win…



And YOU should be too. 



  • Janie Emaus - Love this list!ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - That’s great- ’cause I could use a few extra. Can never have enough kindred. HahaaaaThanks for stopping by Lisha (ps: LOVE your name)ReplyCancel

  • A Pleasant House - This is me checking my comment ability- well, other peoples comment ability, not mine. We all know MY ability to comment is just fine….ReplyCancel

  • Carol Graham - Absolutely love your sense of humor — wish we could team up and do a gig!ReplyCancel

  • donofalltrades - Learning to be happy with what you have is hard for a lot of people. I’m so proud of my mundane, middle class, struggling to pay the bills but my kids are beautiful and healthy so that’s all that matters life that I could puke. Oh, and my kids aren’t better than everyone else’s. My daughter never scores any goals in soccer, my 4 year old tole the wife yesterday that the Rock em Sock em robot game was “fuckin’ broke” and the youngest is just plain mean sometimes. But they’re cute, so that’s something.ReplyCancel

  • House Crazy Sarah - Amen to all that! I’m in the perfect bitch-ass mood today to read this Cheryl! Thank you woman!!!!ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - Your so welcome Sarah. I’m always available to supplement a bitch-ass mood. In fact, I think I’ll join you. Happy Days…..ReplyCancel

  • Stacia Ellermeier - I heart you so much for posting a pic of my idol, Audrey. I adore you, Cheryl!!! MWAH!ReplyCancel

  • Rhonda - Love the list! Agree with almost every one of these! It brightened my day to realize I’m not alone in this :) ReplyCancel

  • Vashti Q-Vega - I absolutely LOVED this and I couldn’t agree more. Hilarious!ReplyCancel

  • Beverly Diehl - You had me at could NOT care less, the way people who are not illiterate know the phrase is said or written. I ~heart~ you.ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - It’s true- like irregardless. Not a word! If something is held in such low esteem to be without regard- then the prefix ‘ir’ is not needed. But you already knew that.ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - OMG I am so with you! Awesome list!ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - This, my Dear, is but the tip of the iceburg, but it’s the Holidays and I thought I should be NICE- God I hate that word.ReplyCancel

  • Sheryl - Brilliant! I agree with every. single. one. But you said it better.ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - Hahaaaa. Well, I TRY, but mostly it’s a s-t-r-e-t-c-h. Thanks for stopping by Sheryl (PS: I love your name- Sheryl).ReplyCancel

  • William Kendall - Quite a list!

    We really have to find a way to get the Kardashians, 50 Shades of Tedious Writing, and Wal-Mart off the planet.ReplyCancel

  • Cathy - You have guts to print this list and I am behind you all the way. Of course! Funny girl….ReplyCancel

  • Corinne Rodrigues - Absolutely loved your list! I see myself doing a more India-centric one soon. ;) ReplyCancel

  • Tamara Woods - I need to take a feather from your cap and doing some big as list about moving from WV to living on an Island.ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - Hi Tamara! You should! I’d love to read it. I’m sure your journey has been interesting AND inspiring. Great to see you again!ReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - HAHAH to your kids being more awesome. Funny that I feel that way about my son huh? ;)
    And I will never watch the Kardashians. Ever. Ever ever. This list is hilarious!ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - All true right? I was being ‘kind’ in this list. If anyone actually knew what I REALLY could not care less about I might get booted from the planet! Hahahaaa Thanks for stopping by- TWICE! Score!!!ReplyCancel

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