The other day, one of my writer friends, Linda Roy (who blogs at elleroy was here– if you don’t read her, you should), wrote a post about being interviewed by the ever-omnipitent James Lipton, from the Actors Studio.
You’ve seen him: never cracks a smile, asks what time it is with Shakespearian aplomb, has spontaneous orgasims when any guest says, “Oh, James.”
HYSTERICAL (And so is Linda.)
Anywho, I called up Jim (we are on a familiar basis- he calls me Her Majesty) and demanded he attend an audience with me.
This is that audience…
1. What Is Your Favorite W-o-r-d?
“Very powerful, Cheryl.”
2. What Is Your LEAST Favorite W-o-r-d?
” Nice. So over-rated. I prefer asshole.
“There are so many.”
3. What Turns You On? wink-wink
” Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. Jim get ahold of yourself.”
4. What Turns You Off?
“Bragging. I’m the only one allowed.”
“As it should be.”
5. What Sound Do You Love?
“The sound of gold coins being stacked in neat little rows.”
6.What Sound Do You Hate?
” I don’t think I’d like the sound of a nuclear explosion. Then again, I’d probably be vaporized so I wouldn’t hear a thing. So lets’ just say the little ‘ding’ when my car’s tank is on empty.”
“Practical. And with such clarity…”
7. What Is Your Favorite Curse Word?
” Sonofabitch, which, for me, translates to Daughterofabastard. The kid’s knew what I meant.”
“Your children are brilliant.”
8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
“Oh, to be so dominated….”
” Again. Jim. Control.
9. What profession other than yours would you not like to attempt?
” Egyptian slave laborer during the stone laying of a pyramid.”
“Good God. Do they still build them?”
“No. I’ve stopped that.”
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
“What took you so long. I need help.”