My Twelve Days of Christmas

In the tradition of the season, I would like to present my version of the English Christmas Carol 
The Twelve Days of Christmas.
*So as to not make you egg nog crazy, I will start at the finale. And don’t forget to hum the song as you read, with emphasis on the bold text.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…12 thousand dollars. For a full facelift.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 11 chairs-a-Piping. Please don’t lose my fabric.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 10 Lords-a-Leaping. LOVE the personal shopper.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 9 Ladies Dancing. Husbands are at home.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 8 Maids-a-Milking…. I’ve got nothin’ people.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 7 Swans-a-Swimming. One of them is me. (Delusion is another gift, sadly omitted from the original version). 
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 6 Geese-a-Laying. Childbirth‘s a blast.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 5 Golden Rings (da da da), which is so yesterday. Platinum  is the new black, and diamonds would be appreciated. Get on it.
4 Colly Birds. Colly birds? I always thought this was ‘calling‘ birds. It should be calling birds. What the hell is a Colly bird anyways? googlegooglegoogle It’s a blackbird. They are loud! Okay. I guess it’s alright. Proceed.
3 French Hens. Or three french men.
2 Turtle Doves. Bringing two Dove Bars.
Partridge In A Money Tree.
(Come on. You know you want one).
Or a Xmas tree, with really pretty decorations- like this frosted
fir which better have lots of coins attached to it Santa.
And this peaceful church, where I go to repent- often.
And these glass mushrooms- which look oddly familiar.
And lastly, but not leastly, the charming snowmen. And they’re all men because no woman
would venture out into the cold without a decent fur coat.
Idiot men.
(I mean Snowmen)

  • Cary - I’ll be damned. Really? Colly birds? Never knew. I now feel like I was lied to in my childhood.ReplyCancel

  • Bianca @ Track Pants and a Tot - Hi from Bloppys. I thought it was Calling Birds too! I liked how you added the bada da dum after 5 golden rings 🙂ReplyCancel

  • Rich Rumple - There are times I wonder about you. Then I just sit back, smile a little, and laugh my ass off! Okay, you don’t need a facelift, forget about laying eggs, and the ring’s in the mail (but you know how mail does get lost this time of year, lol) Love it!ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - Aahhhh Rich- you’re so sweet! I love it when a man worries about me. Especially if jewelry is involved and I’ve got an ‘in’ with the postmen.ReplyCancel

  • Shannon Bradley-Colleary - Your musical prowess intimidates me. I’m off to take humming lessons.ReplyCancel

  • Walker Thornton - Very creative! Might have to give the song a try myself!ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - I could write this song about 100 different ways- each one becoming progressively more NOT politically correct.ReplyCancel

  • bookworm - Colly birds? Who knew? I’ve been singing the wrong lyrics for 61 years now? I demand a refund.ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - Exactly. Our parents, and the great American playbook, lied to us. I think a refund with interest is in order!ReplyCancel

  • William Kendall - Colly birds?

    A good variation on a song I find insufferable. It’s the endless repeating of everything in the previous verses that makes it drag on forever.

    There is one more annoying Christmas tune that comes to mind though: Feliz Navidad.ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - So true. Jose Feliciano was a genius at mind numbing can’t-get-it-out-of-your-head songs. I can think of a few others, as well. Like Santa Baby. Awful.ReplyCancel

  • Teri - I simply love your thought processing!!! Such a fabulous mindset…….I was lied to as well and since I am single, for the fifth day, I just bought my own diamonds – no rings because I garden, just Chocolate diamond earrings and a matching necklace…….just because. The three French men, I left in Paris but I will return to get them……….now abut those blackbirds…………………….Thank You for t his wonderful read!!!ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - I love your thought processing too! Let’s see: Lied to, single and purchasing your own diamonds (good girl), I garden too!, French men, oui! You checked all my boxes! Brilliant! Thanks for stopping by Teri! I’d love to see more of you!ReplyCancel

  • Vashti Q-Vega - Hello Cheryl! This was hilarious and fun! I love your pictures too. Have a great night.


  • Bryan Jones - I too have always believed it was ‘Calling Birds’ – I assumed this was a reference to prostitution. Thanks for shattering my 55-year misconception!

    Enjoyed the seasonal post. You have a distinctive (and delightful) way with words.ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - Prostitutes!? Really? Wait a minute…. it could be prostitutes,,, calling ‘Birds’….And it #4. Between French ‘Hens’ and those golden rings…. So the Hens are the pimps and the rings refer to payment…..Holy Shit! You’re right! It IS PROSTITUTES! Awesome!!!!ReplyCancel

  • The Shitastrophy - 1 – WTF colly birds? totally should be Calling and I will continue to say Calling.
    2 – love the Christopher Radko snowmen my fancy friend
    3 – Maids a Milking – I say they are at the bar slamming white russians.

    Merry Christmas!ReplyCancel

    • A Pleasant House - I’m loving the White Russian idea! I could use one now as I sit in a cold Midwest university parking lot as the driver for our daughter who is interviewing for Vet school. Three days ago Mexico. Today Ohio. Feeling the need for a lot of holiday cheer in this weather. Merry MerryReplyCancel

  • Pothys - An Edwardian lady in full dress was a wonder to behold, and her preparations for viewing were awesome.silks sareeReplyCancel

  • Sue - Love it so much! I wonder why people wanted black birds for Christmas back in the day? They are not on my list, but 7 maids-a-cleaning would be nice and I’ll take some golden rings, but I’ll probably just get ringing in my ears. Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday Cheryl.ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - 3 Frengch men? and I don’t know, I’d like some maids…maybe not to milk but to do other things, right? Like vacuum.ReplyCancel

  • Sharon Greenthal - Totally agree about the diamonds. I mean, seriously.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Yes. Seriously. Like a heart attack. Drape me in them when I’m gone.ReplyCancel

  • Jessica - Ha ha! I could use someone a-milkin’ because my kid drinks so darn much of it. And $12,000 sounds good to me, too… I could find some good uses for that. 😉ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Oops. Did I say 12K? I meant 12 million. Gotta dream big!ReplyCancel

  • Lynda@fitnessmomwinecountry - Cheryl, I love this. I also thought forever {until today} that it was “calling birds”…wow, no one ever corrected me LOL
    Your ornaments are beautiful and remind me of my childhood trees with my grandparents 🙂 Happy holiday seasonReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Thanks Lynda! Colly birds. Can you believe it?????ReplyCancel

  • Linda - Holy crap! “Colly birds”? There’s another song lyric I’ve had wrong all along.
    Maids a milking…haha…anybody have the number of a good lactation specialist?

    Your tree looks gorgeous. I especially like the little church ornament. So pretty.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Which makes me wonder what OTHER lyrics I’ve had wrong all these years- certainly most of Led Zepplin. And probably the Beatles White ALbum.ReplyCancel

  • Sue Pekarek - I tried to do this in my head the other day, but came up empty and gave now why didn’t I think of this?! Thank you for the colly bird line, Seinfeld minds need to know, and I’ll continue singing calling birds.ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - Ha! This seems like a much more relevant version of the traditional Christmas Carol!ReplyCancel

  • Rosalind Warren - You’ve got to be kidding. Colly birds? I’m 60 years old, I’ve heard that song about a million times, and I never actually knew the lyrics?? Sheesh. Although my FAV line is “… diamonds would be appreciated. Get on it.” 🙂ReplyCancel

  • Roshni - I always found that gift-giving to be really weird!!
    You have some very unique ornaments for your tree, Cheryl! Love them all!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Don’t you ‘give gifts’ ? Roshni you must- for some celebration. I’d love to hear more about your point-of-view on this. Pm me.ReplyCancel

  • GypsyNester-Celebrating Life After Kids - I always thought that was calling birds too. Learn something new every day!ReplyCancel

  • Janie Emaus - I always thought it was calling birds,too!ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - I’ve often wondered about those calling birds.ReplyCancel

  • Carolann - Funny, that was always my favorite Christmas song and never knew it was colly bird lol. Love it!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Everyone’s mind is blown! Not least of all mine! Who knew?ReplyCancel

  • Wendy Walker Cushing - Hahaha! I love your version! I also really love the snowman joke!ReplyCancel

  • Author Shelly Arkon - This was funny…childbirth is a blast! Hahahahaha!ReplyCancel

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