Attacking The New Year

 

I love a new year: It’s an opportunity to lie to myself once more (and I’m nothing if not self delusional so I’m really good at this).

 

 

I feel powerful, like I can take charge of my destiny (again and again and again- ironic).

 

This year I’m starting with un-following all sorts of people on social media. I know this may be a bold move since what really seems to fill the bottomless pit of societal self-loathing is the ‘number’ of fake ‘friends’ you have through a disingenuous Seven Steps of Separation(ism) instead of actual friendships, but I’m more old-fashioned then I thought and actually would like to have met you before you share your intimate bedroom secrets (of which I could not care less about or feel more sorry for you) or photos of every new hair style you torture yourself me with.

 

If you would still like to read my musings in this blog, may I suggest you actually FOLLOW the blog.

 

The second item on my hit list this year will be un-subscribing to a whole crap-bag of crap that somehow crap in my email. I do not want another “Let’s see what’s happening at Good Housekeeping Magazine!’ in my box or crime blasts from a city neighborhood that I had an airport layover in, and by which I had to log-on to ‘public’ internet to get to my in-box and find all of this shit in the first place.

 

Thirdly, I will no longer be giving money to the homeless guys at the street corner. They have begun showing up and clocking in. Some even keep supplies in the bushes. Some are in lounge chairs with umbrella’s above them (and in their drinks). For some this is beginning to look like a career choice instead of being a down-on-your-luck kind of thing. Besides, my car got tossed last week and all my ‘charity change’ got lifted- by a homeless guy, who also stole my bike. A bike with two flat tires so I guess I showed him.

 

Also, I am striking against pretending to understand anyone who can not properly enunciate English words, when they have obviously been born and raised in the good ‘ole U.S. of A. No longer will I feign innocence, or being inattentive, when I am told my total purchase price is ‘fee-nye-on’ ($50.91). I will simply state, in perfect English, ‘I am from Denmark and do not speak your language. Can we call a manager to help us through this transaction?’, at which point I will be asked ‘Da mark who girl? Wha’ place?’ and I will respond, ‘Cleveland’. This will illicit all sorts of knowing looks, bobbing heads, and a sense of camaraderie.  God Bless our public school system.

 

 

In addition, I will stand my ground when Tina, at Jung’s Golden Dragon, insists I ‘makey a mistake’ with my order for F13  because,’ Misses, you alway do P4 and we make good for you with luck’, and then I say, ‘No.No. No Tina. I’m changing my regular order tonight. I’m changing it up’, and she says, ‘We no make change. Need credit card’.

 

Fuck it. P4 it is.

There’s always next year.

attackcatPINIMAGE

 




  • Ellen Dolgen - You are HILARIOUS! Love this one!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - And YOU are fabulous Ellen! Happy New Year my friend!ReplyCancel

  • Carollynn - I hate it when other’s decide they know what I want better than what I want.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Tina’s just a little lady who only knows a few words in English but can stir-up a mean Mandarin Duck!ReplyCancel

  • Jessica - Yes, yes, and more yes! I already started cleaning up my social media… ahhhh! I know no one cares about my boring life, either, so it’s all good. But this blog, I will definitely continue to follow. 🙂ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Thank you Jessica. You are appreciated and Happy New Year!ReplyCancel

  • Cary Vaughn - And I plan to be more open and honest about my feelings. I’ll see how long that will last as by February, I will be pretty alone as a result.
    Much love to you!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Why will you be alone? You still have me!ReplyCancel

  • David Stillwell - I am from Denmark… bitch I spit out my tea through my nose…ReplyCancel

  • Ines Roe - I love your idea of the social media go round and the email clutter – I may have to follow suit in order to simplify.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I thought all this technology was supposed to make living more streamlined? Where did I get it wrong?ReplyCancel

  • Lisa Taylor - Lol – I love a New Year’s list with the word “attack” in it!ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - You go, girl! Can’t wait to see how your new year attack plays out! I will definitely be following along.ReplyCancel

  • Elaine Ambrose - I laughed out loud several times. Too funny.ReplyCancel

  • Mhaire Fraser - Fair enough, life is too short to deal with this stuffReplyCancel

  • Marianne Joyce - Love this! I have unsubscribed to so many emails from various organizations wanting money or to “keep me informed” and saved myself so much time deleting crap I wasn’t even reading! Lol! Why did I take so long to do that??? I realized it took more time to delete them than to unsubscribe!ReplyCancel

  • Janie Emaus - You are too funny! But true. I was on some mission to get 1000 likes on my FB page before the end of the year. I was acting insane an then I took a deep breath and realized how crazy it was.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - That really is crazy- I’ve done it too. HA!ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - I really need to unsubscribe to a tech site my daughter visited while seeing what was the best price for a router for her mother. I should also unsubscribe from a clothing store that I have no intentions of ever buying anything. The same goes for a online shoe store. I don’t dare buy shoes without trying them on. They lie about sizes. Why would people talk like that? Are you really in the South? That doesn’t sound like the Southern accents I knew so many years ago.ReplyCancel

  • Whitney Lang Fleming - Hilarious! I so am trying to unsubscribe to stuff but it never seems to end!ReplyCancel

  • Rosalind Warren - Good luck with all of this! I hope it works out for you. So what’s in P4 anyway?ReplyCancel

  • Roshni - You can’t bargain with Tinas!! 😀
    I love that you have a firm resolution in place about getting unnecessary crap out of your life!!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - It seems like no matter what I do more CRAP keeps coming in! It’s a full time job. EeeGads.ReplyCancel

  • Kathleen O'Donnell - Good luck unsubscribing. I’ve unsubscribed to countless junk emails yet they still appear. It’s a conspiracy.ReplyCancel

  • Gary Sidley - And there’s me thinking you might be interested in my intimate bedroom secrets … …ReplyCancel

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