I love a new year: It’s an opportunity to lie to myself once more (and I’m nothing if not self delusional so I’m really good at this).
I feel powerful, like I can take charge of my destiny (again and again and again- ironic).
This year I’m starting with un-following all sorts of people on social media. I know this may be a bold move since what really seems to fill the bottomless pit of societal self-loathing is the ‘number’ of fake ‘friends’ you have through a disingenuous Seven Steps of Separation(ism) instead of actual friendships, but I’m more old-fashioned then I thought and actually would like to have met you before you share your intimate bedroom secrets (of which I could not care less about or feel more sorry for you) or photos of every new hair style you torture
yourself me with.
If you would still like to read my musings in this blog, may I suggest you actually FOLLOW the blog.
The second item on my hit list this year will be un-subscribing to a whole crap-bag of crap that somehow crap in my email. I do not want another “Let’s see what’s happening at Good Housekeeping Magazine!’ in my box or crime blasts from a city neighborhood that I had an airport layover in, and by which I had to log-on to ‘public’ internet to get to my in-box and find all of this shit in the first place.
Thirdly, I will no longer be giving money to the homeless guys at the street corner. They have begun showing up and clocking in. Some even keep supplies in the bushes. Some are in lounge chairs with umbrella’s above them (and in their drinks). For some this is beginning to look like a career choice instead of being a down-on-your-luck kind of thing. Besides, my car got tossed last week and all my ‘charity change’ got lifted- by a homeless guy, who also stole my bike. A bike with two flat tires so I guess I showed him.
Also, I am striking against pretending to understand anyone who can not properly enunciate English words, when they have obviously been born and raised in the good ‘ole U.S. of A. No longer will I feign innocence, or being inattentive, when I am told my total purchase price is ‘fee-nye-on’ ($50.91). I will simply state, in perfect English, ‘I am from Denmark and do not speak your language. Can we call a manager to help us through this transaction?’, at which point I will be asked ‘Da mark who girl? Wha’ place?’ and I will respond, ‘Cleveland’. This will illicit all sorts of knowing looks, bobbing heads, and a sense of camaraderie. God Bless our public school system.
In addition, I will stand my ground when Tina, at Jung’s Golden Dragon, insists I ‘makey a mistake’ with my order for F13 because,’ Misses, you alway do P4 and we make good for you with luck’, and then I say, ‘No.No. No Tina. I’m changing my regular order tonight. I’m changing it up’, and she says, ‘We no make change. Need credit card’.
Fuck it. P4 it is.
There’s always next year.