As some of you may have realized, I’ve been absent from the blog for the past few months. My mother had a major stroke and the SHIT hit the fan-pronto, as SHIT is apt to do, because if you’re not getting enough fiber (or your scared SHITless and receiving poor council) your SHIT is likely to be unarguably runny or dense as bricks.
SHIT is an interesting ‘thing’; always a byproduct. Sometimes it’s expected and other times it just creeps up on you and you have to let ‘er blow.
Is there a plumber for that?
When babies come into the world they do three things: eat, cry and SHIT. We happily attend to their needs. But what do you do if your baby gets all grown-up and still SHITs their pants? (Because, it turns out, SHIT is also the foundation for more SHIT. I know people who live in SHIT houses with SHIT for brains. Some of them aren’t even in diapers).
Of course, there are a few places one should SHIT in if one is to consider themselves part of polite society: toilets (alone) or maybe maybe a hole in the ground if your camping and have wondered off the beaten path. There’s a lot of SHIT in holes. Holes, like SHIT, sneak up on you. Holes are often masked by pretty leaves in the most beautiful of our Parks. Keep your sniffer in good order. Breath deeply. Observe other animals. If your dog starts digging- or is frothing at the mouth- walk the other way.
SHIT is not democratic. No one gets to vote on wether to SHIT or not, or how many times a day to SHIT, or even if they can pay higher taxes to have someone else SHIT for them. Sometimes you’re just stuck with the SHIT you
I know people who love their SHIT. If it hasn’t been a SHITty day they don’t know what to do with themselves. They bathe in it. They court it. They make love to it. They even use it as an excuse to SHIT on everyone else. SHIT loves company. SHIT will love you if you let it.
SHIT can be well-formed (even familiar) and make no sound and tell you everything you want to hear as it plugs your plumbing, but your plumbing will be plugged no less.
SHIT can be difficult to evacuate and need a push and make you wish you had pushed harder, sooner.
SHIT can misinform your wellbeing. People who SHIT explosively often find a certain sense of power from filling the crapper because they haven’t filled anything else nearly as expertly.
There are even SHIT artists– you know, the kind that travel the classic ‘three miles of bad road’ because they only know one way from Point A to Point B, and that stretch of asphalt is off the counties list of ‘Roads Worth Repairing’ but they didn’t get the memo? They paint with their SHIT and then try to convince you it’s revolutionary and you should appreciate it. They put a very high price on their SHIT, but it is, in fact, their only resource, and will be lucky to sell even one.
SHIT happens, it just a matter of degree- it’s just a matter of fluid intake and reason and fiber and steadfastness.
We’ve all heard the diddy, “Don’t SHIT where you eat’.
Sadly, sometimes, people go crazbo in the kitch cookin’ up’ SHIT pancakes serving them with sweet sauce to mask the flavor.
But it’s still SHIT and they still have to lay in it.
I’ll order out.