The other day I got to thinking (dangerous).
I had just returned from a function where I was introduced to many new people.
The standard rules of etiquette applied: Smile, Shake hands, inquire as to…
“What do you do?”
As much as I accept the reality that this is a way to get to know someone, it’s mostly a way to size someone up.
What if I had said, “Garbage collection”?
Or, “Pole Dancer”?
Maybe, “Nothing. I don’t have a job.”
What about women who are home raising their children? Should they say “Nothing” or should they say “I’m a stay-at-home Mom.” (Like that’s the only kind?).
What if you are a Mom but you exit the house to go to a place of employment? Should you answer that question by stating where you receive a pay check? Or should you say that you work all over the God damn place? (Because you do).
What if you’re a woman in MidLife that’s no longer ’employed’? What if you’re retired?
Do you answer, “I’m a retired blahblahblah…”?
What if you do whatever the hell you want to do?
And as long as we’re on the subject, here is a list of other ‘questions’ and ‘responses’ we need to change-up:
“How long have you been married?” Answer: “What’s the number you would be most impressed with?”
“Do you have children?” Answer:”Yes. And they’re all monsters.
“What’s it like living in New Orleans?” Answer: “Great. We’re drunk all the time.”
“Where are you from?” Answer: “I’m not sure.”
“Where did you go to school?” Answer: “What grade?”
“How did you and your husband meet?” Answer: “He picked me up in a bar. I don’t remember much past that.”
“Are your children still at home?” Answer: “Hell no. We kicked the little bastards out long ago.”
“Are your parents still alive?” Answer: “Were they ever?”
“Do you have any hobbies?” Answer: “Not a one.”
So maybe the next time I’m asked, “What do you do?” I’ll just answer…
“Whatever the hell I want to do.”
Yes- I think that’s it.
Thanks for asking.