Old Money vs New Money

 

It has been my experience in life that most RICH people are odd funny.

 

 

Of course there are two kinds of RICH: Old money and New money- and they ARE different.

 

Let’s explore…

 

  • Old $ lives in the same house that generations of their family have lived in, even if it’s falling down around their ankles, the only working light bulbs are in two rooms, and they’ve named the mouse that lives in the top drawer.

New $ lives in blonde-brick pseudo modern artifices that are arranged with ‘suites’ of furniture and own every electronic device known to man, but are actually void of a second set of towels and the freezer is empty.

 

 

  • Old $ is not generous to the individual. The ‘individual’ is a constant reminder that they sold their souls for a Cadillac Seville and passionless sex every Thursday night from 9:10- 9:20. On the other hand, they are generous with LARGE amounts of money gifted to Foundations that will provide tax shelters.

 

New $ is not generous to Foundations. ‘Foundations’ are a constant reminder that they don’t have their name on anything. On the other hand, they are generous in very small amounts to individuals, and often feel a $5 bill to the garbage collector after picking up their crap, makes them benevolent.

 

 

  • Old $ dresses badly.

New $ dresses badly.

 

 

  • Old $ has unlisted phone numbers.

New $ has a cell phone, because who the hell has a land line anymore?

 

 

  • Old $ locks their doors and has doberman pinchers as security.

New $ locks their gates. Their dogs have to fit into a purse.

 

 

  • Old $ never wears their good jewelry ‘out’ unless it’s in the company of other Old $.

New $ always wears their jewelry- even to the Gym.

 

 

  • Old $ harbors a grudge about how they couldn’t fulfill their dreams because someone had to watch the Old $ and it’s a full time job just keeping an eye on the multitudes of people trying to steal from them, like why in God’s name can’t the cook keep the monthly food expenses down to 1958 standards? Have cows gotten harder to milk?

New $ harbors a grudge about not being Old $ and having a poorly paid illegal to yell at.

 

 

  • Old $ holds onto their $. They count change.

New $ wouldn’t be caught dead sorting through pockets for 36 cents when they can pull a crisp Ben Franklin from a wad.

 

 

  • Old $ have Last Wills and Testaments that come with caveats, like whomever gets the parrot to sing Ava Maria gets all the land in Arizona, or the next born child with six toes gets the vintage car collection.

New $ have poorly shopped overpriced insurance policies and no long-term care plan.

 

 

  • Old $ believes showing off is having someone on staff to cut their food- in public.

New $ believes showing off is tossing more food down the drain then they can consume.

 

 

  • Old $ have their children on the proverbial ‘short leash’ because they know that they have bred too closely and most of their children will come to adulthood with strange boudoir behavior that involves being down on all fours.

New $ can’t find the time to discipline their children which is why they have their children in 97 after-school activities per week.

 

 

  • Old $ insist on teaching the value of a dollar, just in $100,000 chunks.

New $ work their asses off so that their children never know the value of a dollar.

 

 

  • Old $ has a physician that comes to the house, is paid in cash, sits and shares a martini, and knows where the skeletons are buried.

 

New $ has a doctor on a medical campus that has their visit on a ‘timer’ (10 minutes per patient), is paid with socialized wealth distribution, never even takes a seat, shares generic advice, and couldn’t care less if your skeletons are buried or not.

 

 

 

It’s said that New $ is guilt free and that Old $ comes with guilt: guilt about having too much. Guilt about not earning it. Guilt about… oh, who am I kidding? They’re happy as hell…

 

OLD does have it’s benefits.

OLD vs NEW Money. LetPINIMAGE

OLD vs NEW Money. Let’s drown together.

 




  • Diane - I don’t care if it’s old or new. I’ll take it!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Of course you will. You’re one smart lady.ReplyCancel

  • Cathy Chester - We have a lot of new money on our street because people have told me they have new money. You can’t make this stuff up. One guy would tell me each time I saw him how much he was making that month. Years later he filed for bankruptcy. Hmm.. Oy. Oy. Oy.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I know. It’s that something. NEW $ has no problem telling you they have $. I just LOVE people that feel the need to tell you how much everything costed. Oy Oy Oy is right!ReplyCancel

  • Dyanne @ I Want Backsies - Love this! I live in an “old money” neighborhood. Snob Hill, to be specific. (We don’t have money, old or new, but people think we do because of our address.) It’s a fairly small town, so I have daily contact with both sectors. The new $ in our town are mostly doctors’ wives. New $ must drive big SUVs, usually Suburbans, Tahoes or Escalades. Old $ drives understated expensive cars, and they have an old, pristine condition convertible tucked away for pretty days. Old $ gives out full sized candy bars on Halloween. New $ drives their kids to another neighborhood to trick or treat and aren’t even home to answer the door on Halloween….ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - YES YES YES! I forgot all about the Halloween candy SHIZZ! Fabulous! HAHAHAAA!ReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - I totally cracked up reading this, Cheryl!! Oh, you know both the old and new money people so well!! SO funny and spot on!!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Hey Chris darlin’!! Nice to see you!! XXOO. Read Dyanne’s @IWantBacksies comment- so funny! Halloween candy!!!!!! hahahahaaaReplyCancel

  • Toni McCloe - I have to admit, none of this ever occurred to me before. However, I have to admit that I have noticed that some folks wearing their jewelry to the gym!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - For the love of God they wear their jewelry in the shower Toni! -head shaking-ReplyCancel

  • Doreen McGettigan - OMGoodness too funny and oh so accurate. One thing old and new $ have in common is getting to that point of being completely out of touch with reality.It is scary.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - They make their own REALITY. Money buys THAT too. Oy.ReplyCancel

  • Gary Sidley - Cheryl, I believe you’ve excelled even your own high standards with this one. Hilarious! I actually snotted on my shirt at one point – the bit about getting down on all fours – but that’s probably too much information.

    My mumwould often go on about this distinction between ‘new’ and ‘old’ money. She always was very critical about new-money people – ‘all fur and no knickers’ and ‘loud-mouthed arseholes’ were a couple of her more memorable comments!ReplyCancel

  • Nancy Hill (@Nerthus) - I mainly laughed and laughed… until I read the word “illegals.”ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - Hmm. I might like some old money but without the down sides.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - There’s always a ‘down side’ isn’t there? Oy.ReplyCancel

  • Nancy Hill (@Nerthus) - Cheryl, I’m sorry my comment above is so brash. I am just a commie pinko leftist who lives near the Border and who is way too sensitive. But undocumented migrants is an alternative. No human is illegal, we just do illegal things. Hug?ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I agree with you COMPLETELY. I used the word to advance the rhythm of the piece. I love commie pinko leftists btw. *wink* no problem. I ‘get’ it.ReplyCancel

  • Estelle - I try not to be pejorative with different types of people–everyone is different. This was funny though.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I ‘try’ too, but sometimes the pejorative just unfolds itself- like a wad of crisp green bills. Thanks Estelle. *wink*ReplyCancel

  • Janie Emaus - I loved this! Especially the line about carrying their dogs in their purses!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - NEW Money. Can’t live with them…. and neither can their dogs. Oy.ReplyCancel

  • Tracy@CrazyAsNormal - I’ll totally be a source for your next go around on this topic if you include what No $ does. 😉ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Hahahahaaa! I’ll take you up on that!ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - Since I will never experience either condition, nor have I known either, I’m not competent to comment on the validity of your observations.ReplyCancel

  • Kb Cash - I’ve seen both, personally and in friends, and the observations ring true. Money changes everything.


    ReplyCancel

  • Lisa Carpenter - Ha! I’m with Mari Collier — I’ll never have old OR new money. Well, perhaps NEW will happen (if PCH shows up at my door). I surely won’t have a dog that fits in my purse, though; I’ll stick with my pitbull.ReplyCancel

  • Angela Hall Weight - This is so funny. And so true. (Not that I’d know firsthand about either money option.) But the old money people I do know, are very much like your descriptions, especially the falling down houses.ReplyCancel

  • Sue - Hysterical, fall on the floor laughter. You could write a book. I have an older convertible in good condition tucked in the garage for sunny days, but it has a flat does that count @Dyanne ? Grandma must of thought she was old money because she gave to the church, but not us.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Oh yes, that’s another thing about Old $- they truly believe they can buy their way into heaven. -head shaking-ReplyCancel

  • Starr Bryson - I’m laughing entirely too hard to come up with a witty comment. Spot on.

    I have neither old or new money – but I rather enjoy the comical look at both camps.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - No matter which side of the street one lives in there is ‘irony’ to be found. I should open a bank account nicknamed ‘IRONY’. I’d be even richer! HA!ReplyCancel

  • Teresa Lee - What a joy to spend time with you:)….LMAO!!!..The Master Jedi of Etiquette and everything else Society!..Thanks for the tips!..Love you!..God Bless you lady!..PS…and do we need to learn to Curtsy when we have Tea with the Queen?:)…ReplyCancel

  • 2/28 - 3/6 Did You Read This? | The Insomniacs Dream - […] And last but not least, Cheryl’s hilarious comparison of old money vs new money. […]ReplyCancel

  • Rasma - I’d rather have neither old nor new. Too much to tie me down. Live free, breathe free and enjoy life to the fullest. As they say for puppets like Pinocchio – there are no strings on me.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I love Revolutionary New Hampshire’s General John Stark’s famous toast, whereby he ended the salutation by stating, “LIve Free or Die”. Words to live by I think.ReplyCancel

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