Life Lessons From My 82yo Mother: Part 1

As some of you may be aware, my mother was forced to retire last year. (A stroke has a sneaky way of making decisions for you).

 

Of course, this has not been easy.

 

Maybe more so for my mother: She never slowed down. Not for one minute in her entire life. She worked (as a much sought-after Interior Designer) through her retirement… she’s stubborn.. and talented, a true dyed-in-the-wool super sonic ‘tastemaker’ of design, fashion, style, entertaining, and elegance.

 

 

She also has a wicked sense of humor.

 

 

“Cheryl Ann, I hear you have a blog.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“That’s nice. What is a blog?”

“It’s a platform for spewing my shizz to a bunch of people I don’t know. It’s writing and publishing on the Internet.”

“What is shizzzz… or did you say ‘shit’?”

“Same thing…”

“Do people actually read your writing?”

A few Thousands.” (We’re on the phone- thank God. If we had been eye-to-eye…).

“Your sister has read me a few of your letters. You’re just my little writer aren’t you?”

“Well, I guess. Sure. Yes. I am. Absolutely.”

“I find that occasionally you’re even witty. Occaaaasionally.”

“Alrighty then.”

“I think I’d like to write, as well. Do you think I should?”

“Yea. Sure.”

“Could you start a blog for me?”

“I could, but you’d have to write regularly to build an audience, and answer comments, then there’s the social media promo… “

“I think people would like to hear what I have to say. After all, I have stories about being a woman who has survived three strokes at 82, and that’s something.”

“Yes. It is something.”

“Do you think people would like that?”

“I think they would Mom. You should write your story… (before I do).”

“Then it’s settled! I’m going to write down a few things today and mail them to you. You call me as soon as you receive them and we’ll go over it together. Does that sound like a good idea?”

“The best. Idea. Ever.”

 

As so, Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to what I hope will be the first of many installments of… (let’s knock a few titles around, shall we?)

 

  • Life With Leah (My suggestion)

  • The Crazy on Main St. (Her suggestion, not mine. I would never dare refer to my mother as ‘crazy’… to her face.)

  • Queenie (Again- her suggestion, but I believe I have that one already taken).

-or-

  • Being A Consenting Victim In A Small Town (She wrote that down, so I’m including it because she wrote it down damnit  I think it kinda sums up her current state of affairs).

 

So, without further ado, my mother’s observations (with a wee bit of editing, because, really, how many ways can you spell poop?):

 

Here is my version of being ‘Free’. No vanity- who needs it.

  • Hair- Pay $6 to the neighborhood bad kid to cut your locks with a weed wacker. Put on safety glasses and ‘have at it’-or- forget the safety glasses and put on a stylish pair and hope for a better cut. Do this on a breezy day.
  • Eyebrows- As they grow they become curly and fall into your eyeballs- or- they fall out. You can draw them on with magic marker or have some Tattoo’d but, either way, without a large arch unless you have a quick cute wink.
  • Get used to the term ‘Old Hag’.
  • Learn to spit and drink beer.
  • Lips- When your lips feel dry go knock back a shot of whiskey.
  • Chin and neck folds- Forget it. They’re already floating around your ankles, which inspires me to design special cowl head covers and spats for shoes and long pants that just rip away. They should be made out of a zebra print or a marine blanket. (She included drawings).
  • Boobs- No bras! Use old Aunt Irene’s ace bandages wrapped around you but add colorful rick-rack to trim the bottom first.
  • Feet- you need them. Leave them alone, but buy expensive shoes.

The rest is just about being old, and who cares, but I can still kick and spit and wink at the mailman and here he comes so I have to find my hat and leopard slippers, but I’m finished with this writing and need a nap just thinking about it but I’ll write more tomorrow if you’ll call me.

 

~Love,

Mom

ps: Do Not forget to call me.

 

I won’t Mom…

 

I wouldn’t dare.

 

Life Lessons form my 82yo Mother: Part 1PINIMAGE

Life Lessons from my 82yo Mother: Part 1




  • CAROL CASSARA - I love it! Especially the dry lips advice. AND I see where you get your sassy nature! You go, Cheryl’s mom! Inspire those of us coming up right behind you!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Thanks Carol!!! She’s a hoot! I’m hoping to have her reply, personally, this week. Stay tuned!ReplyCancel

  • Roshni - LOL!! She’s hilarious! Do encourage her to write more; especially about her life! I would love to read about that!!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Her life’s been quite an adventure! Hopefully more to come! Thanks Roshni- you’re such a kind woman. Glad you’re my friend.ReplyCancel

  • Ellen Dolgen - Your Mom is a hoot! Queenie I and Queenie II – apple – tree!ReplyCancel

  • Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski - I love your mom already. She has a hilarious sense of humor. Can’t wait to hear more. Listen to your mother and go with the Crazy on Main St.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Dear God, you’re the 3rd one! Really??? Okay. She may agree… (Thanks for stopping by Rebecca- much appreciated). XXOOReplyCancel

  • Lori Lavender Luz - Well, now. The tree speaks via the apple. Similar much?

    Leah, I’m taking your advice about “old hag.”

    Cheryl Ann, don’t forget to call your mom!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!ReplyCancel

  • Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - This is the best! I am so looking forward to more of The Crazy On Main Street (my choice). She sounds like a hoot! Thanks for sharing will all of us.ReplyCancel

  • Meg Root - I second, The Crazy on Main Street! I’d say she was on her way to a fun and dedicated following. Great first post.ReplyCancel

  • Pam Lutrell - Please write more…you have a great start…so glad you are working with your daughter to publish your thoughts!!ReplyCancel

  • Diane Tolley - This is fabulous! 82 and triple stroke surviver?! This woman is AWESOME!!! Will she adopt me?ReplyCancel

  • Alma Calabrese - Your mom sounds adorable ! I would love to meet her! Bless her heart for not giving up ! It’s what keeps us going.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - She’s NOT a giver upper. Probably live to 120.ReplyCancel

  • Rose Kimosh - Love it Leah….I have fond memories of you in my Showroom at The Ohio Design Centre….glad to see your still kicking it!…Thank you, Cheryl Ann….love RosieReplyCancel

  • Leanne@crestingthehill - Hi to your mum – may she reign forever! She reminds me of the poem – “when I am old I shall wear purple” – doing all the stuff you like because you’re old and you can. Good on her!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - That’s right…. that poem! I’m going to have to find a copy for her to read. Thanks for reminding me Leanne. XXOOReplyCancel

  • Haralee Weintraub - She is a natural. I have to work on my spitting if I am going to grow old(er) gracefully!ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - She is right. Everything drops! It doesn’t matter how well one fights the good fight, and always, always, buy expensive shoes. it’s your feet. One place she is a tad wrong. People of German descent tent to have thinning eyebrows. Sigh.ReplyCancel

  • Estelle Sobel Erasmus - Oh. I love this. I think you and her share a little of the same witty voice:)ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - The apple doesn’t fall from the tree! I love both of you!ReplyCancel

  • Robyn Owen Whetstone - She reminds me of my grandma. Spry and spunky. You 2 make a great writing team!!!ReplyCancel

  • RasmaSandra - Your mom is a wise woman and has a wonderful sense of humor. Cherish her.ReplyCancel

  • Maureen Morin - I love it! She’s witty and super fun. Can’t wait to read more!ReplyCancel

  • Rena McDaniel - Can mom tell us some good stories about Cheryl hahaha!ReplyCancel

  • Sue - Awe, I just loved this and your Mom sounds like you or you sound like your Mom. Tell her my fav was learn to spit and drink beer.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - She’s ready these so I hope she’s already seen your comment. Thanks Sue. XXOO- from me.ReplyCancel

  • David Stillwell - Mari Collier said ” Everything drops!” It’s more like it is trying to get away from you…. Melting … for decades we want the fat to melt right off of us and when it does… we try to hold it on with rick-rack and ace bandages. Girl… let it go. Those tits are nothing more than neck warmers or a reason to fall. However, bad as that seams… men grow labia under their chins… and gray gotees that make them look like our mother’s mother in a short skirt without underware.ReplyCancel

  • Sandra Sallin - What a hoot and what a natural! You go girl and do what coes naturally! Welcome to te club.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - She will Sandra! SHe always has!!!~CherylReplyCancel

  • The Crazy On Main St: Memories From My Mother » A Pleasant House - […] A few weeks ago I had a conversation with my mother about Blogging. You can read it here. […]ReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I love this. I read your most recent post first and then clicked over here. Love that your readers voted for The Crazy On Main St. Very endearing. I look forward to more.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Thanks Kenya! You’re a doll!! I’m sure she’s so pleased seeing you here.ReplyCancel

  • Brenda Moguez Granger - That is fablous. A great way to get all the details for a future work. She has a marvelous wit, but I am guessing you know that.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - She’s a hoot Brenda. FULL of sage advice.ReplyCancel

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