Getting Black Friday RIGHT: Shopping Tips

 

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Getting Black Friday RIGHT: Shopping Tips

 

Hello everyone.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

Ready to blow your brains out?

Me too!

 

So, aside from the absolute certainty that stepping out into the cold wind of consumerism within a contained four walls and a food court is a death wish that will only be forgotten by copious amounts of alcohol upon your return home, let’s SHOP.

 

But remember a few tips along the way:

 

  • Brace your loins: And by ‘loins’ I mean feet, and by ‘brace’ I mean comfortable shoes. Your actual ‘loins’ are safe. I think.

  • Just like Santa checks his list twice- check your purse. Make sure you have your asthma medication for traversing through the sea of perfume that envelopes Every. Single. Friggin’ department store. (Who invented this?)

  • Don’t shop with a group. You’re on a mission today. In and out. In and out. You’ve been in training for a longgggg time- though not on two feet.

  • Know your enemy and identify the closest restrooms in every store.

  • Use the valet parking option. Come to think of it, use this service as often as possible. Anywhere. All the time.

  • Save your receipts. Most of this shit will be returned.

  • Purchase your gift wrap in bulk and your wine supplies by the case. I have found an equal ratio is about right for making Merry. This may seem excessive but you can always return any wrapping paper as long as it’s in its original packaging.

  • Just like long distance marathoners, carb dump the night before. I use any excuse.

  • Have a list. Have a budget. Be prepared to burn them both with the self-loathing of 2 Corinthians 12:9, “…for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Thank you Lord. I’ll try to make you proud.

And, if everything goes wrong, if your patience is worn raw. If the ‘deals’ you went after are no longer available, if it was all just bait and switch, never fear…

 

… There are 28 more days to get it RIGHT.

God save the Queen

(And by Queen, I mean Me).

History_Elizabeth_II_Christmas_Message_Speech_SF_still_624x352PINIMAGE

“Each Christmas, at this time, my emotionally distant father broadcast a message to his people in all parts of the world because we pretty well dominated the planet. Today I am DOING THIS TO YOU, who are now my people, because I can.”

 




  • Abby@Midlifecrisisnut.com - Outrageously funny! The best ever take on Black Friday:) xx AbbyReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Why thank you Ms. Abby. You’re a sweetheart!ReplyCancel

  • Karen D. Austin - All my best to you and other shoppers for surviving the madness of the holiday shopping season. Gah!ReplyCancel

  • Brenda Ray Coffee - Love your comment about the perfume… I’m highly allergic. Shopping’s never been my thing, so I’m lucky I’ve gotten good at online shopping.ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - I have never done a Black Friday– all of my shopping is done year round, usually special things I find when we travel or on sale, so I’m done well before Thanksgiving. Don’t hate me!ReplyCancel

  • Kimberly Montgomery - I hate shopping. Just hate it. I have no idea why anyone would set foot in a store on Black Friday. It sounds like they’re going to gas you with that name. Make no sense to me.
    Kimberly XOReplyCancel

  • Laura Ehlers - lol!! I am not a Black Friday shopper but have been known to go out just to run interference…ReplyCancel

  • Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - I refuse to go out on Black Friday. I cant figure out why any one would. At home with a fire going and a Kahula in my hand is my black friday!ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - These are great tips but there is no way I would even consider going shopping today! Good luck to you and can’t wait to see your bargains 🙂ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - I do not shop on Black Friday. I did look at a couple of things on Amazon, but they had not (gasp) lowered the price on what I was considering. So, I guess you might say I watched my budget and did not burn my money.ReplyCancel

  • Leanne Le Cras - I love Australia! No Thanksgiving, minimal Halloween and no Black Friday shopping (our happens on Boxing Day) Nothing would entice me into the shops during the savagery that I’ve seen displayed on these big sales days!!!ReplyCancel

  • Michelle Poston Combs - Hahahah…this is awesome.ReplyCancel

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