My 12 Days of Christmas

 

 

 

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My 12 Days Of Christmas

When I was little, the kids on the block and I went around the neighborhood and sang Christmas carols willy-nilly. Just for kicks. To bring a little joy. No compensation required.

 

Last night I opened our front door to a group that sang ONE BAR of Silent Night and then… held their hands out. For money.

 

Okay- we live in a city and city life can be hard.

 

Cookies, unfortunately, solicited eye rolls.

 

To top that off, yesterday I was waiting at an intersection stop light when I was approached by Homeless Joe (holding a holiday-themed sign that read ‘It’s Xmas. I need mo’ money’) who asked for a buck or a cigarette. When I shook my head ‘No’ and said I didn’t have either he replied, “Merry Christmas bitch”.

 

Ahhhhh the holiday spirit is among us.

 

So here’s what I want to do: I’m gonna set the stage on my second floor outside gallery, all lights-action-camera (think Adele after a breakup) and give the city a bit of my own rendition of the holiday song my best  little childhood girlfriend Barby and I used to sing at the top of our lungs- except we’re all grown-up now and can change the lyrics to whatever the hell we want to.

 

eye squeeze

 

 

All together now!

 

 

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… four hours of picking up the phone instead of always letting me get it even if he’s right next to it and I’m up on a ladder, three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… five diamond rings (this one doesn’t need much tweaking), four hours of picking up the phone instead of always letting me get it even if he’s right next to it and I’m up on a ladder, three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… six hours of snore-free a-laying, five diamond ring-ing-ing-ings, four hours of picking up the phone instead of always letting me get it even if he’s right next to it and I’m up on a ladder, three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… seven acres with a lake so that I can have swans a-swimming like it’s just another tuesday at the farm Cheryl-style, six hours of snore-free a-laying, five diamond ring-ing-ing-ings, four hours of picking up the phone instead of always letting me get it even if he’s right next to it and I’m up on a ladder, three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… eight maids a-cleaning (with laundry and prepared meals included), seven acres with a lake so that I can have swans a-swimming like it’s just another tuesday at the farm Cheryl-style, six hours of snore-free a-laying, five diamond ring-ing-ing-ings, four hours of picking up the phone instead of always letting me get it even if he’s right next to it and I’m up on a ladder, three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… nine girlfriends a- clubbing, eight maids a-cleaning (with laundry and prepared meals included), seven acres with a lake so that I can have swans a-swimming like it’s just another tuesday at the farm Cheryl-style, six hours of snore-free a-laying, five diamond ring-ing-ing-ings, four hours of picking up the phone instead of always letting me get it even if he’s right next to it and I’m up on a ladder, three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… ten lords a-leaping around me at the salon which is not a stretch, nine girlfriends a-clubbing, eight maids a-cleaning (with laundry and prepared meals included), seven acres with a lake so that I can have swans a-swimming like it’s just another tuesday at the farm Cheryl-style, six hours of snore-free a-laying, five diamond ring-ing-ing-ings, four hours of picking up the phone instead of always letting me get it even if he’s right next to it and I’m up on a ladder, three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee… eleven pipers piping announcement of my entry forever and for all time in all places especially when my children are around which I think is appropriate since I pushed those living bowling balls out through a garden hose, ten lords a-leaping around me at the salon which is not a stretch, nine girlfriends a-clubbing, eight maids a-cleaning (with laundry and prepared meals included), seven acres with a lake so that I can have swans a-swimming like it’s just another tuesday at the farm Cheryl-style, six hours of snore-free a-laying, five diamond ring-ing-ing-ings, four hours of picking up the phone instead of always letting me get it even if he’s right next to it and I’m up on a ladder, three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeee…twelve months to prepare all over again. Forget the drummers. Life is noisy enough, and oh yes…

 

… eleven pipers piping announcement of my entry forever and for all time in all places especially when my children are around which I think is appropriate since I pushed those living bowling balls out through a garden hose, ten lords a-leaping around me at the salon which is not a stretch, nine girlfriends a-clubbing, eight maids a-cleaning (with laundry and prepared meals included), seven acres with a lake so that I can have swans a-swimming like it’s just another tuesday at the farm Cheryl-style, six hours of snore-free a-laying, five diamond ring-ing-ing-ings, four hours of picking up the phone instead of always letting me get it even if he’s right next to it and I’m up on a ladder, three french men, two weeks at Isla de Dove and a rockin’ portfolio in a mo’ money tree.

 

Fa lalala lala lala la la

 

 

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My Twelve Days Of Christmas

 

 

 




  • Elin Stebbins Waldal - Wow. Christmas caroling with the expectation of being paid? That is honestly depressing. I think my mother just rolled over in her grave.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Oh yes. $$$$ was what they wanted. And they were with an ADULT!!!! EeeGads.ReplyCancel

  • Sheryl - Bowling ball through a garden hose…now that’s one I haven’t heard. Love it! Merry Christmas to you, and may you get everything you want (with the exception of Christmas carols for pay.)ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Am I wrong??? and Jingle to you my friend! All the way!!!ReplyCancel

  • Eve - Who spiked your eggnog or is this normal? LOL Loved it!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Sadly normal. Though ‘normal’ may be debated her among the family.ReplyCancel

  • Tam Warner Minton - Hilarious. Excellent job! I will be singing it this Christmas!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - It’s a bit of a new ‘take’ but I think it may replace the standard.ReplyCancel

  • Diane Tolley - Best Twelve days EVER!!! I especially identify with #4. Oh, please give me that one!ReplyCancel

  • Ellen Dolgen - Hilarious! Let’s hope your true love is reading this!ReplyCancel

  • Bonnie K. Frogma - HA HA HA! Do the maids do windows? 😀

    and i’m up on a ladder…ha!ReplyCancel

  • Carolann Iadarola - lol yep…that’s what folks do these days. Beg for money. I can’t believe he called you the B-word yikes! So much for the holiday spirit lol.ReplyCancel

  • UP Paul D. Brads - Great minds…
    I love this.ReplyCancel

  • Laura Ehlers - Can’t decide if I want the 4 hours of phone pick up or the maids more!! Hope you get the Christmas of your dreams!ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - You had me at 3 French men. I really didn’t want to go any further. Honest. But I did, and and wasn’t disappointed. Oh, I never am….ReplyCancel

  • Wendy Walker Cushing - You my friend are a genius! Take a bow because I’m giving you a standing ovation right now! I absolutely LOVE this and think it needs to be a Christmas special on TV next year!ReplyCancel

  • Katy Kozee - Love this! I missed in your article that the Christmas Carolers were kids! What the what? What kind of values are they learning from that?ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - You wouldn’t believe what’s learned generation after generation here. This is benign by comparison.ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - First and Fifth verse definitely caught my interest, although I think I could really use the eighth one if you threw in a yardman or two. Have a Merry and blessed Christmas.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Who among us doesn’t need the first and want the fifth? None of us that’s who! As for the yardman I totally agree and a masseuse would be nice.ReplyCancel

  • Barby - Oh boy could we sing at the top of our lungs!!!! Badly! And the lyrics have changed my friend! Haha. Love it! Falalala
    Xo bReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Ladies & Gentlemen- this is Barby. The one and only. You may all bow now….ReplyCancel

    • barby - when are you coming home????

      Merry Merry to you and yours.
      xoReplyCancel

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