What is it about resolutions that’s so infuriating?   Probably that we believe that making a ‘promise’ to ourselves, and having that ‘promise’ begin on the first day of a new year will somehow s-o-m-e-h-o-w increase our odds at winning the lack of commitment lotto we will all certainly fall prey to.   […]

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  • abby@Midlifecrisisnut.com - And she’s back! Great post Cheryl! I would fortify no 3 by Grand Marnier and the list is complete for me:) Happy New Year to you and your family! xx AbbyReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - This past holiday season was a whopper and we had house guests between the main events, so I’ve been a little lack. Happy New Year to you and yours as well my friend!ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - Today’s post, like so many of yours? Totally refreshing! I hear you, sister. I hear you.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Peace Out baby cakes. I knew you’d ‘get’ it.ReplyCancel

  • Roshni - I totally concur! How does promising something on Dec 31st increase your chances of succeeding if you haven’t been able to keep your promise any time else?!ReplyCancel

  • Tam Warner Minton - Ha! I love your attitude! Like we keep our “serious” resolutions, anyway, right?ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - So self-delusional. I prefer full-on acceptance of all my failures.ReplyCancel

  • Elin Stebbins Waldal - hahaha! This really is great, Cheryl. Refreshing in the midst of the New Year barrage of resolutions that abound on social media. Throw more parties indeed!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Bucking the trends ( which are usually bs anyways) is my THING Elin. I have a saddle hanging in my closet.ReplyCancel

  • Carolann Iadarola - LOL love each and evey one of them. I think these are my resolutions now too.ReplyCancel

  • Rosalind Warren - Fabulous!
    A terrific idea, and beautifully carried out.
    Tweeting and Sharing.ReplyCancel

  • Ellen Dolgen - You are my hero! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your resolutions! Many of these, I am successfully acomplishing already! Love realistic goals like this.ReplyCancel

  • Diane Tolley - Realistic goals I can get behind! I especially love the ‘eat what I want to’ resolution. My house for chocolate later . . .?ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - Ooh, I like your resolutions, my friend. I might actually be able to keep all of those.ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - LOL Those non-resolutions should be easy enough to follow. I’m not sure I like the read less. How do I convince you to read Earthbound then? Merlot should help the brain cells though.ReplyCancel

  • Kimberly Montgomery - You’ve just made my year so much simplier! Now, can you take care of my closet??
    Kimberly XOReplyCancel

  • Stephanie - Lol this is awesome. I’m with you with all what you said. I don’t ever make New Years resolutions just because a.) I’ll never commit to it the entire year and b.) like you said any day is the first day of the rest of your life. If I wanna commit to start working out more, I’m not going to wait until January 1st to do so, Imma do it today, right now!

    Thanks for sharing at Manic Monday Linky party!!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - You’re so welcome Stephanie! Your LINK party was fun!!ReplyCancel

  • Marianne Joyce - Your list is perfect!!! I’m happy to help you keep them!ReplyCancel

  On January 2, late in the afternoon, I found myself surfing *surfing through cable channels. I did not exhibit perfect form *hang ten and nail it *carve the wave. I instead, found myself in *chowder a daze and regretfully stopped on *wiped-out in a *bowl on a channel of *clamshell crap otherwise known as […]

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  • Sheryl Kraft - I definitely do not think Oprah’s message is a negatibve one; she is seeking to improve herself, and admits to her past failures with losing weight. That’s honest, if you ask me.ReplyCancel

  • Amy Abbott - I really wanted to write about the whole issue but I was too busy eating ice cream at the time. Honestly, I don’t understand MHP’s take on this. And honestly I don’t find Oprah on the whole weight thing motivating, and, I find myself screaming at the television. Oprah is rich enough to have George Clooney measure and cook all her food. She’s had a personal trainer; she’s had a cook. If she STILL needs to lose weight, then I might as well hang it up for good. Meanwhile, I’m reading about the shortage of vanilla bean in Madagascar, now that may REALLY impact my life because I really like homestyle vanilla.ReplyCancel

  • Carolann - That woman (Melissa Harris-Perry) is freaking nuts! I swear she is. I can see it in her eyes and her body language. I can’t bear to even listen to her for 30 seconds. I totally agree with you on this. What a nightmare for woman…we just can’t win!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I felt so bad, not just for Oprah, but for us all. I couldn’t believe my ears.ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - Why criticize Oprah? She will do what she wants. As far as being perfect, the majority of us are not. So what? Feminist just love to have something to carp about to make the world feel guilty. That last statement from someone who fought to receive the same wage as a man and succeeded.ReplyCancel

  • Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - Why should anyone care??? If Oprah wants to get healthy, good for her! If she wants to encourage others because she knows first hand how difficult it is, good for her! Ms. Harris needs to be her daughter’s role model, it’s not Oprah’s responsibility. As for the people who are judging Oprah for trying again, GET A LIFE!ReplyCancel

  • Diane - I’m not worried about looks. I just care how I feel. Why do we women tear each other down instead of encouraging our sisters to feel their best? It’s a conundrum . . .ReplyCancel

    • Carollynn - Exactly, why do women tear each other down when we need to stick together? Ms. Harris has an opinion, I don’t agree with it, but I support her right to say it.ReplyCancel

      • Cheryl - I support her right, of course, but we can certainly disagree– and I do!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - It’s a conundrum for the ages…… (head shaking)ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - Thanks for weighing in on this. (I couldn’t help it) As a woman with more than a few to lose, it really IS about health at this age. Oprah’s diet failures have been public so I give her credit for trying again.ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - Having gone to Australia with Oprah as an Ultimate Viewer, you will never hear me say a negative word about her. She is so inspiring and so genuine, I’m a fan for life.ReplyCancel

  • Laura Ehlers - After seeing the Oprah commercial – in which she speaks to ‘not having a event to get thin for or a special pair of jeans to fit into’ – I think she is doing a good job. No where does she condem her own looks or mention a goal weight. There is negative body image and there is unhealthy body/lifestyle. Two very different things and wanting to improve the later is in no way endorsing the former. (and next time you get ‘stuck in a chowder’ may I suggest a bad sci-fy movie?!!!)ReplyCancel

    As my good friend Cary Vaughn (Writer at the Reluctant Cat Owners Journal– follow if you don’t. You’re welcome) said,   “It was bound to happen”.   SO, aside from all the instant bad stellar information we get from the interwebs, there is also this little thing called ‘virtual friendships’ (I have so […]

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  • Stacia Friedman - Just in time for my last minute holiday shopping!ReplyCancel

  • sherry - Very cute! I would like him to pick me up please.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Alas, he only DELIVERS by golden coach, unless it’s me, then he does my bidding.ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - Yeah, I saw that carriage once. I want it. And I do have some abalone. It turns out. Just not that one.ReplyCancel

  • Tam Warner Minton - Very pretty…I like the delivery vehicle. That’s a shiny metal!ReplyCancel

  • Laura Ehlers - How awesome! And how beautiful! Can’t wait to do a little shopping!!ReplyCancel

  • David Stillwell - um… you are worth it… and by all means worthy…. Not a word on your hardness fetish…ReplyCancel

  • Stacia Friedman - Just in time for my last-minute holiday shopping!ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - Goodness, such an honor. You should have been presented with at least one!ReplyCancel

  • Carolann Iadarola - Stunning wowzers. I wish someone would have done the same for me 🙂 I especially am on board with the criteria you set!ReplyCancel

      Remember when you were little and watched Rudolph or Frosty or Miracle on 34th Street and allowed yourself to  believe it was true if only for the season? That the world actually worked that way? That people found salvation with a little help from their friends, or a kind stranger in a […]

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  • Karina -My Letters of Transit - I really enjoyed this post, it had me laughing out loud. You have a great sense of humor, and made some of these all too real and annoying situations more humorous.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Thanks Karina. Humor and annoyance are my stock in trade!ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - The new register drawer. Oh honey. I feel your pain. And why can’t they wipe those carts off? How come the cashier has to pause to read the headline on my Nat’l Inquirer?Am I the ONLY customer who buys them? Surely not! Oh, I have to stop because I just checked into my hotel rm in San Francisco for two days and have to go eat.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Eat? San Francisco? GO. Now. Have one for me!ReplyCancel

  • Lisa at Grandma's Briefs - I know I should shop local, but everything you said here is exactly why I prefer to shop mostly online.

    I, too, wish I could get back the magical feel of the season. I’m trying to focus less on stuff and shopping, though, and that helps a ton.

    May your Christmas be merry and bright despite the knuckleheads you encounter.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Good word “knuckleheads”. That’s what’s all around! You too have a lovely Holiday Season.ReplyCancel

  • Karen D. Austin - I avoid the whole thing by not shopping during the holidays. It’s just too much for me. I guess people can call me Scrooge, but I just can’t deal with things as described above. My best to the brave who go “out there” at this time of year.ReplyCancel

  • Lois Alter Mark - Ha! You couldn’t pay me to go shopping during the holidays. It would make it too easy to hate all of humanity!ReplyCancel

  • Rosalind Warren - “This is not the time of year for exact change.” Amen, sister. Fun piece. It’s funny because it’s ALL true.ReplyCancel

  • Alana Mautone - That is what amazon.com is for. Except I was out there, like an idiot, on Black Friday. Had an encounter with a clerk at CVS that still has me shaking my yead.ReplyCancel

  • Diane Tolley - Yikes! We’ve been in the same lines! Next time, bring a thermos of hot chocolate. I’ll do the same and we can sit and sip and snigger over everyone else in the line. Without ever – you know – getting in the line orselves . . .ReplyCancel

  • Roshni AaMom - I’m with your readers who doesn’t shop during the holidays, but I must say that your post tells me how much entertainment can be derived by just stepping inside a shop and observing!! Maybe I’ll do that next week!! 😉ReplyCancel

  • Katie Knapp Hill - Hahahaha that was hilarious and I could not agree more! My last two Christmas’s have been AWESOME. Nothing like missing the whole nightmare by living on a small Caribbean island for 4-6 months during the winter.ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - The joys of shopping online become clearer every year. Yes, indeed. Then there is other lovely part. Most of my receipient of presents want money. Good. I just put the amount I would have spent inside a Christmas card. They are happy and I’m happy. No huge bills arriving after Christmas. Oh, by the way, my view of Christmas as a child was so totally different. It hasn’t changed, but you should have gleaned that from the novel you read. If you are curious, I’ll answer, otherwise just wonder about it.ReplyCancel

  • Cathy Chester - Online shopping is my newest best friend and as much as I love the feel of Christmas since childhood (you try not celebrating it in a town with no Jews!) people seem a little crazier this time of year. Sheesh!ReplyCancel

  • David Butler - I take it,you have been Christmas shopping.ReplyCancel

  • Ruth Curran - You crack me up! I love that you can skate from hair blowing back in the wind to the devil’s self check out to making change with such ease and grace. Thank you for ending my day with a chuckle!ReplyCancel

  • Salma Dinani Dewji - Lol, this made me laugh. And I totally agree with the self-check out, horrible invention and takes WAY longer!ReplyCancel

  • Lee Gaitan - Hilarious and too true! Love #5–spawn of hell! And re: #4, if you really want to jam an icepick through your brain, try givng them them “the penny” (like if the total is $5.66 and you give them $6.01) and see how long THAT takes them to figure out without the aid of NASA’s computers! PS Do you really still shave your legs? Impressive.ReplyCancel

  • Cary Vaughn - I went down this list going, “yep…yep….fuck yes that, too…”ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Nothing said that isn’t fucking true. And the list could go on and on and….ReplyCancel

  • Sue - Great list Cheryl and it made my day today. Now that I’ve read this I don’t dare go out shopping unless I shave my legs first. Merry Christmas.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - I figure if Mrs. Klaus can maintain her personal grooming habits- we all should. ANd a VERY Merry Xmas to you too my friend!ReplyCancel

  • MJM - Ho Ho Hilarious! Knocked it out of the park as always my friend.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Thank YOU! And a VERY Merry Christmas to you my friend!!!ReplyCancel

      My 12 Days Of Christmas When I was little, the kids on the block and I went around the neighborhood and sang Christmas carols willy-nilly. Just for kicks. To bring a little joy. No compensation required.   Last night I opened our front door to a group that sang ONE BAR of […]

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  • Elin Stebbins Waldal - Wow. Christmas caroling with the expectation of being paid? That is honestly depressing. I think my mother just rolled over in her grave.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Oh yes. $$$$ was what they wanted. And they were with an ADULT!!!! EeeGads.ReplyCancel

  • Sheryl - Bowling ball through a garden hose…now that’s one I haven’t heard. Love it! Merry Christmas to you, and may you get everything you want (with the exception of Christmas carols for pay.)ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Am I wrong??? and Jingle to you my friend! All the way!!!ReplyCancel

  • Eve - Who spiked your eggnog or is this normal? LOL Loved it!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Sadly normal. Though ‘normal’ may be debated her among the family.ReplyCancel

  • Tam Warner Minton - Hilarious. Excellent job! I will be singing it this Christmas!ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - It’s a bit of a new ‘take’ but I think it may replace the standard.ReplyCancel

  • Diane Tolley - Best Twelve days EVER!!! I especially identify with #4. Oh, please give me that one!ReplyCancel

  • Ellen Dolgen - Hilarious! Let’s hope your true love is reading this!ReplyCancel

  • Bonnie K. Frogma - HA HA HA! Do the maids do windows? 😀

    and i’m up on a ladder…ha!ReplyCancel

  • Carolann Iadarola - lol yep…that’s what folks do these days. Beg for money. I can’t believe he called you the B-word yikes! So much for the holiday spirit lol.ReplyCancel

  • UP Paul D. Brads - Great minds…
    I love this.ReplyCancel

  • Laura Ehlers - Can’t decide if I want the 4 hours of phone pick up or the maids more!! Hope you get the Christmas of your dreams!ReplyCancel

  • Carol Cassara - You had me at 3 French men. I really didn’t want to go any further. Honest. But I did, and and wasn’t disappointed. Oh, I never am….ReplyCancel

  • Wendy Walker Cushing - You my friend are a genius! Take a bow because I’m giving you a standing ovation right now! I absolutely LOVE this and think it needs to be a Christmas special on TV next year!ReplyCancel

  • Katy Kozee - Love this! I missed in your article that the Christmas Carolers were kids! What the what? What kind of values are they learning from that?ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - You wouldn’t believe what’s learned generation after generation here. This is benign by comparison.ReplyCancel

  • Mari Collier - First and Fifth verse definitely caught my interest, although I think I could really use the eighth one if you threw in a yardman or two. Have a Merry and blessed Christmas.ReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Who among us doesn’t need the first and want the fifth? None of us that’s who! As for the yardman I totally agree and a masseuse would be nice.ReplyCancel

  • Barby - Oh boy could we sing at the top of our lungs!!!! Badly! And the lyrics have changed my friend! Haha. Love it! Falalala
    Xo bReplyCancel

    • Cheryl - Ladies & Gentlemen- this is Barby. The one and only. You may all bow now….ReplyCancel

    • barby - when are you coming home????

      Merry Merry to you and yours.

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